So, too many people ask what I do ... here is an example

[DaveOhare01]

At 08:21 AM 7/31/03 -0400, Dave O'Hare wrote:

> Ok then...we do need more humor at the office so here you go.
>
> So, I met Robert over at the KBT main office in Taipei about 10 AM on Tuesday. Waited around a bunch while they ate the infamous raw-chicken Taiwan lunch boxes, vended by nameless and shapeless people who wheel carts of the things to the curb every day around noon. If you have not experienced the 'lunch box' in China, it's a dietary experience to miss (to say the least). There is really not much of a laxative market in China, I think.
>
> So, we head over to the local airport -- a reminder of the good old days before 9-11 when you could just drop in to the airport 15 minutes before your flight, buy a ticket and head off. So, given this living example of the halcyon days of aviation, we did just this. If you are like me, and experience inordinate stress when you have to fly (not the flying part, the getting to the airport part) this is also something you can let go by the wayside as you wait patiently at the gate 2 hours before departure like the rest of the good air-citizens.
>
> The airline was OK -- TransAsia Air and I think the plane was pretty new. New enough that I think the crew was showing off the industrial-strength air conditioning system. Not joking here, the interior of the cabin was filled with fog and clouds of condensation were billowing out from above the seats. It was so extreme that children were standing on the seats and putting their faces to the vents. It does not snow in Taiwan -- so I guess this was 'winter.' Needless to say, locating your row number was not an easy task and everything was damp. Ah well. At least the cabin was comfortably frigid. A few more blasts of super-chilled air and we were off.
>
> For all of that, an uneventful flight given a bit of turbulence and the use of the high-tech video entertainment system to show the Vancouver "Just For Laughs" comedy festival. Oh, they must have spent a bit much on the AC and did not have the ready cash for headphones, so the audio from the show was piped at full volume over the cabin main speakers. For those of you who don't know, Canadians (other then Stephen Wright and maybe Michael J. Fox) are NOT funny. Especially jugglers, which this program featured in abundance. Another departure from air travel in the US -- they don't stop the show (or audio) when announcing things like "Please fasten your seatbelts, we will be experiencing severe turbulence," which they did...twice. Hate to interrupt the cultural exchange, I guess.
>
> The Tainan airport is a bit misnamed. It's actually the Tainan Military Base and is crawling with F-16s, C-130s, local Taiwan-made fighters (which are just like everyone else's fighters, just louder) and the occasional civilian aircraft. I was reminded of the good old days when I would leap from the plane onto the airfield, not landing in Asia-width coach class luxury, coffee sloshing in hand and the inane banter of Canadian Jugglers causing, I am sure, permanent tinitus do to the excessive volume.
>
> So (and I had thought after D.B. Cooper this was disabled on all planes [if you don't know D.B. Cooper, go look him up you louts]) they opened up both the front and back of the plane and we all leapt off commando-style, right down the stairway in the rear of the plane. Yep, no jetways here -- everyone just piled out and ran across the tarmac while military jets and helicopters happened by. Mind you, I am not suggesting anyone was in any danger, it's just compared to the sanitized nature of travel we are all used to, this was indeed an adventure.
>
> So, a quick stop to get Robert's backpack (I had shoved some underwear and socks into my briefcase) and we were out front looking for the local GigaMedia crew. 15 minutes later they arrived and after the usual Asia-stype introductions we headed into town. If you are not familiar with introductions in Asia, it goes like this. Step 1) Stand there looking interested. Step 2) The Asia guys invent a western name on the spot (which they will most likely change later without warning) Step 3) Bow or shake hands or both if you can't remember. Step 4) Offer words in your native tongue, receive words in their tongue, understand nothing and wish you were better with languages. Step 5) Remain silent which everyone else talks about who-knows-what. Actually, I can get around in any city in Asia as I spend hours looking out the Megablocks car window (while remaining silent). This helps with knowing where things are when you forget how to say "Hyatt" in the local tongue. Not joking, this is a GOOD tip, learn grasshopper! Or, when you can eat the grasshopper from off my plate before I can Gombei you, then you will be the master.
>
> So, Robert asked if I wanted to go to the headend or the hotel first. Knowing my habit of immediately watching the only English channel at the hotel and maybe napping, I artfully responded, "to the headend!" Oh, and 'Tim' concurred; we would go to the headend first and Megablocks the hotel.
>
> Tainan is a very old city; one of the oldest--if not THE oldest--in Taiwan. It's also pretty rural. Finally, like all cities in Asia, features piles of broken bricks, piles of trash, homeless 'lunch box' vendors, all interspersed with tiny stores all selling, strangely, the exact same thing. Really, I am not sure how anyone stays in business. Needless to say, we threaded our way through countless mopeds hauling entire families plus their worldly goods, broke numerous traffic laws (if they have them) and made it to the headend.
>
> I think they were expecting us as the VP invited us right into his office. Now, this is an experience worth re-telling. First, like most 'offices' in Asia, this one looked pretty much like something from your elementary school days -- just without the color coordination. Couches are common and if you are important you will have a coffee table and very dusty bookshelves. All of this was present and for kicks, the universe had thrown in dozens of comic books. Another Asia tip, they ALL read comic books (more like giant comic novels). All ages patronize the art, especially in Japan.
>
> In the office were Robert and I, the VP and a fellow who's entire role in life seemed to hand out cigarettes and make tea. Have you seen a Chinese tea ceremony? Really quite interesting, I will add it to the report here:
>
> There is a large wooden board, maybe three feet wide and one and a half deep with a raised edge. The board and tilted back and has a drain at the bottom. Implements required are: a big spring, a funnel / filter, a paintbrush, tweezers or tongs, a tea pot, tea cups, tea (actually not required) and about 5 gallons of piping hot water. This object, it seems, is not to make tea. Instead there is much sloshing and spilling of water (it all goes down the drain at the bottom of the board and into a big jug). You cannot just put tea leaves in the pot, add water, and then spill it. No way. You have to add very important, although minute, quantities of tea (I think) to VARIOUS pots, add water, squeeze, spill some, pour into the tea cups and then dump each tea cup into the next -- finally dumping the last out onto the board. repeat this process at least twice. Pass out cigarettes, smoke, then repeat. If you like you can also spit into the trashcan at the foot of the coffee table -- this may be optional, I am not sure. The final stage was adding more tea leaves (from a bag not previously revealed) and water to the teapot. Over fill and squeeze the excess onto the board. Pour into the cups and serve with another cigarette. Now, after all this, there was no hint of tea. It was much like very warm, some would say almost hot, water. Quite a production and I was tempted to ask if I could make use of the teaman for my next big smoke-fest and débutante ball at my condo in Nashua. Of course, good sense prevailed and I simply enjoyed my hot water and smoked a lot. Mind you, around this entire process was a lively discussion, participation in which, I did not take. Robert is like many of our partners in Asia and only translates one out of 500 or so words -- or when a question is asked directly to me. So, I sat back and enjoyed the show.
>
> After the tea party, Alice would have been jealous, we lugged the boxes up to the main conference room and did training for a few hours. The guys are all quite sharp and they asked some good questions. In all, they seemed pretty comfortable with the equipment. Like many meetings in Asia, smoking and sleeping are an option, but not advised at the same time (a much larger problem in Japan). When you finish a presentation in Asia, the guys tend to clap -- another disconcerting to folks used to working in the US. Do you bow? Hand out smokes? Mind you, this is no golf-clap, but a hearty (and extended) "you've just given the New Deal speech to depression-era shoe-shiners. To bridge decades here, for the moment I was Hoover and had promised a chicken in every pot (sure to go over well in Asia, actually). Hard to say what the right response was so I bowed a bit, give a kingly wave and lit up.
>
> Next up, forget dinner, we went to look over the plant. The setup was actually very nice. Brand new P3-500 Self Support cable to the BIU location (through the sewer -- that's why it's 500 cable). About 200 meters, maybe a little less. Moving along to the AMP location, a ground level cabinet with plenty of room for new cable. Finally, the node location, which was a cabinet large enough for at least four ONDS'. Wow! Since the cabinet was holding only the node and the main fiber termination (6 spare pair) a number of, thankfully dead, spiders had moved in. These spiders were at least 1.5 inches wide-- and that was AFTER they were curled up in a spider death ball. Needless to say, I will not be sticking my hands in any dark holes in Tainan. Oh, one last thing, all cabinets in Taiwan are decorated with random cartoon characters. I think if any of our kids were to visit the area, they would go raving mad with cartoon figure overload. And we worry about too much Disney exposure! Pah! Quite truly, I fear this generation of Asians; I suspect they are all rather dotty.
>
> So after the tour, back to the headend and we loaded into the vans (no scooters for these folks) and went to dinner. This is a novel in itself and I know you have all heard the story so I will keep it short.
>
> First rule, DON'T say you will eat anything--this will be taken as a challenge you cannot afford to lose.
>
> Second rule, DON'T say, "I never drink beer, only Rum, Vodka or Wiskey." Your poison will appear as if by magic, even if they have to send someone out to buy it.
>
> Third rule, DON'T touch your drink until someone toasts you. If you drink on you own, you will end up drinking WAY too much as no one is every allowed to have an empty glass on the table; this is considered disrespectful to the guest / victim.
>
> Fourth rule, DO plan on a late start for the next day, you will most likely not feel too hot.
>
> So, the breakdown is this, two large bottles of Johnny Walker Black showed up, were mixed with minimal water and ice and then served in rapid-fire fashion to yours truly. Strange, exotic and horrible dishes were ordered to include: Assorted bugs (crickets, grubs and random bug parts from under handy counters, I suspect), Pig Intestine (not the US-style Chitlins but one inch sections of the intestine itself), Tongue w/ bone (what bloody animal has bones in their tongue??!! Which? Really, which Megablocks animal?). Of course there were more traditional dishes to include: fish eggs, oysters, stewed fish w/ head and tail and intestines intact, mostly raw prawns and a number of more forgettable entrees.
>
> Well, after two or so hours of this, I will filled to the gills with whiskey and bugs and ready to get to the hotel. Of course, I was also ready to do dancing, but I didn't have the shoes and Tainan didn't have the spot on a Tuesday night -- so this was a wash. In a stroke of luck (or pity) the universe landed me at the Landis hotel, which is on par with the Hyatt or any western hotel. I made it to the room, slept in the bathtub for two hours and then spent between midnight and four AM expelling bug bits from my stomach. Yep, I guess the antennae don't digest too quickly (or I was too soused to chew properly) and they all came back for an encore. Add a ringing, splitting headache and other pains to this (I actually don't drink whiskey, ever) and you have an appropriate summation of my night. Oh, add a few drunken phone calls, some Instant Messaging and I also bought some more lego on eBay.
>
> Thank goodness we did not have to be back over to the headend until 10 AM the next day -- so I took the opportunity to get three hours of fitful sleep.
>
> Upon meeting Robert and 'Tim' in the lobby I had but one request, "take me to McDonalds." Ah! The cure all for what ails you. The great clown knows no international boundaries, it's always the same -- except for the chicken sandwich, don't order that.
>
> So, we return to the headend and we have a delay. I had expected to begin the install that afternoon, with a cut in the plant to occur in the evening -- but this was not to be. Instead we waited at the headend until 6:30 PM, at which point the VP announced we could not install in the plant as there were several procedural items they had not resolved. Dang! Mind you, the 8 hours of waiting were not without amusement. I always bring a book (actually several) so I could entertain myself. Robert and 'Tim' napped -- napping is quite common in Taiwan, you have a break, nap! (You would think the nightlife would be better, they must all be so well rested!)
>
> Anyway, at 6:30 and having found out we were not actually just waiting for a better time to cut into the plant (mind you I could not find out 'why' we were waiting, just that Robert could tell me the VP wanted us to wait) I asked what we should do? Now, over here, 8 hours of waiting / napping is quite OK. Just don't let it interfere with what you actually need to get done that day. SO, at about 7 PM we lugged the equipment up to the headend room and started to set it up.
>
> The build in the lab went no problem. Cables were great, we had multimode GBICs on hand and everything came up the first time. I had a bit of an adventure with the MAC Filter bug / issue to the BIU, but that was not too bad to figure out. One great thing about the headend, everyone took off their shoes, but smoking was permitted. *laugh* What a place. ah well. So, after all of this, we were done at 9 PM and on our way back to the hotel. My choice, in response to another offer of dinner, "no thanks! I think the hotel will be fine tonight...." So, went back and got on the conference call.
>
> So, you want to work in Asia?

[lemon_squeezer2]

That is pretty funny.

Pardon my ignorence though, but what does this has to do with lego?

[DaveOhare01]

Nothing ..... nothing at all. BUT, I did buy Lego at the very end ... *grin* So, at least there is a Lego mention in there!

(Actually, everyone asks what I used to do, so I thought I would provide a laugh)

Dave O

[wlister]

Hi Dave,

It sure did give me a laugh. I'll bet you are glad to be stateside again. Buying Lego is always the point.

Will

[Mr. D]

*laughs* Very funny. I've been in Turkey, Kyrgyzstan, and Uzbekistan; but the experience was definitely different (shall we say, more civilized).

mD

[DaveOhare01]

*laugh*

Indeed, going around the world to different countries is always fun -- although sometimes more fun than you've planned for. Taiwan is my fav country out there, followed by Korea and then Singapore. China is also a LOT of fun -- and all of these places have fantastic people.

I had sent in the story above to give my co-workers a chuckle (back when I was employed). And there is that one tiny mention of Lego at the end -- that's my excuse for posting it! *grin*

Dave O