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oo7's Fractured Fairy Tale

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oo7's Fractured Fairy Tale

Postby oo7 » Thu Jul 12, 2007 1:21 pm

Well, I don't do any fan fiction thingies or anything, but I figured since there's a whole subforum for castle themed stories, I'd post this school essay of mine here.

The Prophecy of the Petrified Princess

Once upon a time in a kingdom of a far, far away land called England there lived a King and Queen who shared a burning desire for a child but yet they had none. But one day while the queen was bathing, a frog, yes, a frog who has absolutely no future in this story and could have just as well have been one of the Queen’s servants, hopped up to her and said “Thy wish shall be fulfilled; before a year has gone by, thou shalt bring a daughter into the world.” The queen, being astoundingly dense, found truth in this cheerful message; a message given to her inside the privacy of her own bath room by a talking frog of unknown origin.

But disregarding every thing I have just previously stated and all known laws of logic and physics, the amphibian’s prophecy came true and she bore a daughter so beautiful that the king could not withhold his pride and joy and he ordained a great and elegant party. He intended to invite thirteen of his friends who ruled over the world superpowers as they might bring much attention to the newborn child. Because the King could only spare twelve golden plates (but mostly because, considering the king’s wealth, Charles Perrault used a poor excuse to patch up a hole in his already set storyline), so he didn’t invite the 13th guest.

The party went along with much splendor and as it drew to an end, the rulers presented their gifts. The President of France gave high couture clothing, the Prime Minister of England presented a Wedgwood China dish set, the President of China gave jade and gold jewelry, and so on until the eleventh stood up and then the uninvited Prime Minister North Korea burst into the Great Hall eager for revenge and yelled out “In the fifteenth year of her life she will drop a bowling ball on her toe and will fall down dead!” And without speaking one more word he turned and left the hall. Everyone stood in shock as the twelfth came forward and said he could not do away with the evil prophecy but he could soften it, so he said, “The princess will not die but fall into a deep state of suspended animation for 100 years.”

The maiden grew up with the pleasure of all her gifts and had a great life until the day of her 15th Birthday. Even if all present bowling equipment was burned and all future equipment was forbidden in the kingdom (which was the case) they could have at least watched over the Princess on her 15th birthday, but then that would ruin this campy and simple-minded plotline. So the King and Queen go out on a pointless but time-consuming errand and leave the Princess all alone in the palace, and being huge a huge structure, sections of it were still remained unexplored to her. So she climbed to the highest landing in highest tower until she reached a door slightly ajar. She cautiously entered and there stood a group of short, bearded, dwarf-like men bowling and drinking from their mugs.

“Good day, brothers,” said the Princess, “what are you doing? “We are bowling and drinking from our mugs.” answered the little men. “What thing is that that rolls so swiftly?” asked the maiden, and taking the object to her hand she thrust the ball down the isle to knock down the pins; but no sooner had she begun than the evil prophecy was fulfilled, and she dropped it on her toe. In that very moment she fell back into a very conveniently placed cryo-tube, the lid shut with a hiss and she lay there in a deep state of cryopreservation. And for the sole reason to make this story increasingly interesting, this suspended animation fell upon the whole palace. The King and Queen who had just returned in the nick of time to be frozen were so rendered along with the whole court in the great hall. The horses in the stables, the dogs in the yard, the pigeons on the roof, the flies on the wall, the very fire that raged in the hearth, became still and calm like the rest; the meat on the spit ceased roasting and the cook about to rip out the scullion’s hair for not seasoning the meat properly, let him go, and went to sleep. And the wind ceased and not a leaf fell from the trees around the castle. And then for the same untold divine “magical” reason, a great barrier of icy stalagmites grew around the castle and thickened every year encasing it in a frozen impermeable wall.

A rumor went abroad about the beautiful frozen Princess in her majestic castle of ice and how sons of various kings occasionally would come to force their way through the ice but every one of them cracked it causing an avalanche to come down upon them and how they could only lay half buried and logged in a heavy mound of frost slowly dying a lamentable death of starvation and hypothermia.

UNTIL ONE DAY, yet another prince came along and met an old man who told him how there should be a castle behind the mountain of ice and that there a beautiful princess has been cryonically preserved for 100 years and with her the king and Queen and the whole court. And the man had heard from his grandfather that many young princes came to break through the frozen wall but everyone of them got stuck or crushed under an avalanche and had a drawn-out, miserable death. But nevertheless, the Prince did not give up hope and continued his journey to the palace. But by insanely extraordinary miraculous coincidence, just as he approached the structure of ice the last second of 100 years had passed and the ice turned into a magnificent waterfall which parted in front of him as Moses had parted the Red Sea escaping the house of bondage in biblical times. The Prince then, without any hesitation whatsoever, ran through the castle and up to the highest landing of the highest tower, kicked down the door to the little room where the Princess lay frozen in the cryo-tube.

And when he saw the Princess looking so lovely in her cryo-tube, he turned the release valve, pulled open the lid and kissed her and she awakened and looked very kindly on him. The King and Queen and the court woke up and gazed at each other in wonderment, the horses in the stables got up, the dogs in the yard arose, the pigeons on the roof lifted their heads from under their wing, the flies on the wall awoke, the kitchen fire leapt up and continued cooking the meat and the cook gave the scullion a hard box on ear so that he roared out in pain, and the maid continued picking the fowl, which I imagine must been quite a bit moldy by now.

And then the two were married and they lived happily together until their lives’ end, which was actually surprisingly soon resulting from eating the 100 year old meat at the wedding party.

THE END

© 2007 oo7 of Classic-Castle.com. All characters and their likenesses found on this page are property of and © 2007 oo7 of Classic-Castle.com. All characters therein are purely fictional; any resemblance to persons, either living or otherwise, is purely coincidental. Any reproduction or copying of any of the material on this page is strictly prohibited except with expressed written authorization.
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Postby venvorskar » Thu Jul 12, 2007 8:13 pm

This is one of the best stories I have ever read! I wish more people wrote like this. This seems somewhat like Shrek, except, in my opinion, much better. I hope you'll do more fairy tales like this soon.
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Postby Athos » Thu Jul 12, 2007 8:19 pm

Pretty funny... :lol:

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Postby Nick Durron » Thu Jul 12, 2007 9:00 pm

I liked it. You didn't go as far with the fracture as you could, but it was still pretty funny.
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Postby smcginnis » Thu Jul 12, 2007 10:42 pm

This is a pretty funny spoof.... I'd like to see more like this from you.

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Re: oo7's Fractured Fairy Tale

Postby footsteps » Fri Jul 13, 2007 1:45 am

This story needs to be MOC'ed. Thank you for the smile of the day!

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and the day you discover why. (Donald Sensing)
One plus one equals three... for large values of one. (Bruce Fournier)
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Postby Sibley » Fri Jul 13, 2007 3:52 am

Very funny. I used to write crap like that back in high school; I should try it again.
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Re: oo7's Fractured Fairy Tale

Postby oo7 » Fri Jul 13, 2007 4:12 am

I forgot to mention, the story is based of the original context of The Sleeping Beauty, the story I was assigned to spoof. It also has some Rip Van Winkle thrown in, a story we had to read earlier in the year.

venvorskar wrote:This is one of the best stories I have ever read! I wish more people wrote like this. This seems somewhat like Shrek, except, in my opinion, much better. I hope you'll do more fairy tales like this soon.

Thank you very much! :oops: That's very kind of you. It won't be likely for me to be writing any more fractured fairy tales, but I do have some other interesting things I've written, also for school assignments. It's nothing castle-ish, but if you are interested I'd be happy to do a little copy & paste for you. I do have mixed feelings about the Shrek trilogy......

Athos wrote:Pretty funny... :lol:

Thanks, Steve! I appreciate your approval.......

Nick Durron wrote:I liked it. You didn't go as far with the fracture as you could, but it was still pretty funny.

Cool, thanks Mr. Durron. Perhaps you have some suggestions about how the fracture could be extended?

smcginnis wrote:This is a pretty funny spoof.... I'd like to see more like this from you.

Ah, thank you, as I said to Mr. Venvorskar previously, I probably won't be doing anymore fairy tales like these, but I do still enjoy writing about various other things.

footsteps wrote:This story needs to be MOC'ed.

Great! Would you like to be the first volunteer? :D It's my pleasure, thank you for the smile of the day!

Sibley wrote:Very funny. I used to write crap like that back in high school; I should try it again.

:lol: They were also castle themed? Also, congratulations on achieving one hundred posts. :wink:
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Postby Donut » Fri Jul 13, 2007 1:05 pm

Hehe, the LEGO version of clumsy beauty.
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Re: oo7's Fractured Fairy Tale

Postby venvorskar » Fri Jul 13, 2007 11:25 pm

oo7 wrote:I do have some other interesting things I've written, also for school assignments. It's nothing castle-ish, but if you are interested I'd be happy to do a little copy & paste for you.


Yes, I would be interested in seeing other writing of yours.
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Re: oo7's Fractured Fairy Tale

Postby oo7 » Sat Jul 14, 2007 12:05 am

Donut wrote:Hehe, the LEGO version of clumsy beauty.


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:P

venvorskar wrote:Yes, I would be interested in seeing other writing of yours.

Sure thing. Here's an essay in which I needed to write about "what's hot" that would be included in a larger project, and a research report on a certain author I was assigned to. That's all I can find right now.....

IN STYLE

I do like popular culture, although I almost always loathe trends, especially those of clothing fashion. One certain style does not become ‘popular’ on the basis of rational fact such as superior durability of a certain fabric or a matching set of colors appealing to the eye, but a measurement of how frequently a ‘popular’ person wears the clothing and their demeanor pertaining to its use. How a person becomes ‘popular’ involves an even more deranged, muddled process with innumerable immeasurable factors, of which they themselves also alter depending on whether they are deemed as popular themselves. It has always seemed to me that the older popular music of one period in the past is always of better quality than the current popular music. I strongly dislike the recent ‘Hip-Hop’ and ‘Rap’ styles, any of the many types of music some call ‘Pop’ (of which the exact criteria still remain a mystery to me), and all other combinations or variants thereof.

One of the biggest national news stories of late is the execution of the former President of Iraq, Saddam Hussein. After being convicted of crimes against humanity by the Iraqi Special Tribunal following his trial for the murder of 148 Iraqi Shi'ites in the town of Dujail in 1982, he was hanged on December 30, 2006.

One of the most celebrated and criticized socialites, Paris Whitney Hilton, was placed under arrest for driving at 70 mph in a 35mph zone and charged with violating her probation given to her in 2006 after driving while intoxicated. Ms. Hilton was sentenced to 45 days in jail. The arrogant, nasty, egotistical slacker has begged California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger for a pardon while online petitions in favor and opposed to this ruling reaped tens of thousands of signatures.

In the local (and much brighter) news, a high school soccer player from Brewster received a new heart from an anonymous donor earlier this week relative to the time I am typing this. 17 year old Jessi-Ann Bettcher miraculously got the chance to undergo a life-saving cardiac transplantation procedure after being diagnosed with a life-threatening condition known as dilated cardiomyopathy in October of 2007, as she was in a line of thousands waiting, in need.

Of course, this is the type of story the media will briefly run, downplay it and instead rant and rave for days and days on end about the fine details of Ms. Hilton’s life, so some idiotic, ‘wannabe’ citizen can closely follow every action of the ignorant, conceited celebrity and obsessively admire the fame and wealth, the ability to travel around the world and do anything they want, because they have absolutely nothing better to do, being filthy rich.

Over the last couple weeks, the final installments in a few select film trilogies are proving to be spectacular box office hits and are breaking many records concerning self-reported overall gross sale totals. On May 4, Spiderman 3 set a record $59.8 million take for its opening day in the United States, breaking Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest’s previous $55.8 million record. Spiderman 3 also took the worldwide opening day record with $117 million. Two weeks later, Shrek the Third claimed the top box office with the best opening weekend ever for an animated film globally at $122.6 million and third best overall. A week from now, the final Pirates of the Caribbean film, At World’s End will undoubtedly push Shrek out of his throne and subsequently reset the aforementioned records.


J. K. Rowling

Joanne Rowling is an English fiction novelist who writes the Harry Potter series under the pen name of J. K. Rowling. Her books have received much praise by children and adults alike along with multiple awards. Rowling’s writing is littered with imaginative names that bring delight to young children, but her choice of language is multi-layered, consisting of fun sounding names, an etymology of ancient mythology, and even a corny pun or two, and thus intrigues many other audiences in addition to children.

Rowling is a linguist. She has used her vast knowledge of different word roots for all the unique names and incantations used in her books. Rowling amasses a plethora of information for one single character before she incorporates the character into one of her books. She has a whole childhood laid out for characters like Sirius Black, for example. Every character starts with a name; a thoroughly thought-out string of words that not only sounds nice but gives an impression of the person’s character by the means of both the ‘ring’ to the sound of the word read aloud and the word roots concealed inside.

Gilderoy Lockhart is the ‘Defense Against the Dark Arts’ teacher in Rowling’s second book. Gilderoy was a name of a handsome Scottish highwayman according to “The Dictionary of Phrase and Fable”, a book often used and acclaimed by Rowling herself. Rowling found the name ‘Lockheart’ on a World War One memorial and this name said everything she wanted (Fraser). Albus Dumbledore is the headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for most of the series. Dumbledore is Old English for Bumblebee as is Albus for white. White is a frequently used symbol for ‘good’. This also provides an accurate vision of the professor who always seems to be on the move and humming to himself. Draco Malfoy, a ruthless, disdainful bully at Hogwarts, shares his first name with a constellation in the northern part of the sky depicting a dragon. The name Malfoy is derived from the word malicious, which means hateful, cruel, and nasty. (Merill)

Rowling gathered many inspirations for her ‘fantastic’ series from her experiences throughout her lifetime. She built the foundations of her magical realm of Harry Potter in 1990 (Imbornoni). A fully formed Harry strode into her head one day while delayed on a train traveling from London to Manchester. On the train, the ideas rushed into her head in a mighty torrent and adrenalin surged as she desperately searched for a working pen, but found none. Later at her apartment, she strained to remember each detail. She recalled that she had to think of her story instead of writing it that day and that turned out very good for her. The story wouldn’t have survived the long journey from the mind to the paper if it wasn’t worth remembering. Rowling knew that this was very special but she didn’t start writing immediately, recalling difficulties with her two unfinished novels (Steffens, 22). Another day, after she got into a vicious ‘row’ with her boyfriend, she stormed out of the house and walked to the local pub, Nicolson’s. There, the sport of quidditch, a game played by catching and throwing various balls while on a broom mount, came to her out of the blue. (Fraser)

Her stories include details from her friendship with Seán Harris, a childhood friend, who moved to Bristol from Cyprus while his father was away fighting in the army. He soon became youthful Rowling’s best friend, and she later dedicated the Chamber of secrets, her second book, to him. Harris owned a turquoise Ford Anglia which gave both of them as much freedom as they could want, as driving was very useful and important in her small rural village. Thus, when the Weasley boys come to rescue Harry from his uncle’s strict incarceration, they use none other than a bewitched turquoise Ford Anglia. (Fraser)

Rowling’s childhood encounters at her primary school included a stern and disparaging teacher who somewhat inspired the demeanor of Rowling’s Severus Snape, the potions master at Hogwarts and the head of the Slytherin dormitory. Her teacher arranged the children’s seating by the order of ‘brightness’ and by the end of ten minutes, young Joanne was placed in the ‘dim’ row. When Rowling reached secondary school, she favored her English teacher, Miss Shepherd. Shepherd was demanding and strict but also very smart, clever and passionate. Her character was the prime choice for Rowling’s Professor McGonagall, the Hogwarts transfiguration teacher and head of the Gryffindor dormitory. Much later when Rowling became a published author, Shepherd wrote a letter to Rowling which apparently meant more to her than any award or newspaper review. (Merill)

Rowling’s experiences in her education and the writing skills developed during her employment have influenced her writing and given her specific motivations that she used in her books. Throughout school, she did well and her attitude is said to be surprisingly similar to Hermione Granger’s, one of the primary protagonists and a close friend of Harry’s (Imbornoni). In Public School, Rowling’s classes included English, French, and German ‘honours’ and she went on to study French at the University of Exeter, graduating in 1986. For the next few years of her life, she worked for a publishing firm, sending out rejection letters to potential authors, ironically. (Merill)

The imaginative names like ‘The Leaky Cauldron, ‘Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans”, and the Weasley twin’s ‘Ton-Tongue Toffy’ bring delight to young children. However, these words are also integrated into a serious, surprisingly realistic and sophisticated plot in a way that is appealing to adults, too. Rowling also includes concepts heavily based upon occurrences in real-world life translated into her magical fantasy, so that readers can be guided by the familiarity without necessarily knowing the details of the alien culture. The imagination and complexity behind J. K. Rowling’s prose have helped make her the very successful author that she is today.

Bibliography

• Fraser, Lindsey. Conversations with J. K. Rowling. 239 Kensington High Street, London : Scholastic Inc, ©2000 & 2001

• Imbornoni, Ann-Marie. “J. K. Rowling, the story of Harry Potter’s creator”. 2006. Pearson Education, Inc. 10 march 2007 <http://www.factmonster.com/spot/harrycreator1.html>

• Merill, Trista. “J. K. Rowling”. Popular Contemporary Authors. 1st ed. vol 9. 2006

• Steffens, Bradley. J. K. Rowling. 10911 Technology Place, San Diego, CA: Lucent Books. ©2002
Last edited by oo7 on Sat Jul 14, 2007 8:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby venvorskar » Sat Jul 14, 2007 1:13 am

These were good essays. They were well written, and I thought the one about J. K. Rowling was interesting. I knew who she was, but I didn't know anything else about her. I think you should try doing a story, one that you think up yourself, written like TPOTPP.
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Postby smcginnis » Sat Jul 14, 2007 2:12 am

I seem to share many of the opinions you stated in the 'In Style' essay.

The Rowling essay was very interesting as well. I do, however, think that the car was a Ford Anglia, not Angela. ;)

~smcginnis
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Postby oo7 » Sat Jul 14, 2007 8:36 pm

venvorskar wrote:These were good essays. They were well written, and I thought the one about J. K. Rowling was interesting. I knew who she was, but I didn't know anything else about her. I think you should try doing a story, one that you think up yourself, written like TPOTPP.

Ah, right. What you want is creative writing, story telling. I'll see if I could find a digital copy of something like that, but don't count on it. I appreciate the compliments. :)

smcginnis wrote: I do, however, think that the car was a Ford Anglia, not Angela. ;)

Thanks, I stand corrected. :wink:
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