oo7's Fractured Fairy Tale
Posted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 1:21 pm
Well, I don't do any fan fiction thingies or anything, but I figured since there's a whole subforum for castle themed stories, I'd post this school essay of mine here.
The Prophecy of the Petrified Princess
Once upon a time in a kingdom of a far, far away land called England there lived a King and Queen who shared a burning desire for a child but yet they had none. But one day while the queen was bathing, a frog, yes, a frog who has absolutely no future in this story and could have just as well have been one of the Queen’s servants, hopped up to her and said “Thy wish shall be fulfilled; before a year has gone by, thou shalt bring a daughter into the world.” The queen, being astoundingly dense, found truth in this cheerful message; a message given to her inside the privacy of her own bath room by a talking frog of unknown origin.
But disregarding every thing I have just previously stated and all known laws of logic and physics, the amphibian’s prophecy came true and she bore a daughter so beautiful that the king could not withhold his pride and joy and he ordained a great and elegant party. He intended to invite thirteen of his friends who ruled over the world superpowers as they might bring much attention to the newborn child. Because the King could only spare twelve golden plates (but mostly because, considering the king’s wealth, Charles Perrault used a poor excuse to patch up a hole in his already set storyline), so he didn’t invite the 13th guest.
The party went along with much splendor and as it drew to an end, the rulers presented their gifts. The President of France gave high couture clothing, the Prime Minister of England presented a Wedgwood China dish set, the President of China gave jade and gold jewelry, and so on until the eleventh stood up and then the uninvited Prime Minister North Korea burst into the Great Hall eager for revenge and yelled out “In the fifteenth year of her life she will drop a bowling ball on her toe and will fall down dead!” And without speaking one more word he turned and left the hall. Everyone stood in shock as the twelfth came forward and said he could not do away with the evil prophecy but he could soften it, so he said, “The princess will not die but fall into a deep state of suspended animation for 100 years.”
The maiden grew up with the pleasure of all her gifts and had a great life until the day of her 15th Birthday. Even if all present bowling equipment was burned and all future equipment was forbidden in the kingdom (which was the case) they could have at least watched over the Princess on her 15th birthday, but then that would ruin this campy and simple-minded plotline. So the King and Queen go out on a pointless but time-consuming errand and leave the Princess all alone in the palace, and being huge a huge structure, sections of it were still remained unexplored to her. So she climbed to the highest landing in highest tower until she reached a door slightly ajar. She cautiously entered and there stood a group of short, bearded, dwarf-like men bowling and drinking from their mugs.
“Good day, brothers,” said the Princess, “what are you doing? “We are bowling and drinking from our mugs.” answered the little men. “What thing is that that rolls so swiftly?” asked the maiden, and taking the object to her hand she thrust the ball down the isle to knock down the pins; but no sooner had she begun than the evil prophecy was fulfilled, and she dropped it on her toe. In that very moment she fell back into a very conveniently placed cryo-tube, the lid shut with a hiss and she lay there in a deep state of cryopreservation. And for the sole reason to make this story increasingly interesting, this suspended animation fell upon the whole palace. The King and Queen who had just returned in the nick of time to be frozen were so rendered along with the whole court in the great hall. The horses in the stables, the dogs in the yard, the pigeons on the roof, the flies on the wall, the very fire that raged in the hearth, became still and calm like the rest; the meat on the spit ceased roasting and the cook about to rip out the scullion’s hair for not seasoning the meat properly, let him go, and went to sleep. And the wind ceased and not a leaf fell from the trees around the castle. And then for the same untold divine “magical” reason, a great barrier of icy stalagmites grew around the castle and thickened every year encasing it in a frozen impermeable wall.
A rumor went abroad about the beautiful frozen Princess in her majestic castle of ice and how sons of various kings occasionally would come to force their way through the ice but every one of them cracked it causing an avalanche to come down upon them and how they could only lay half buried and logged in a heavy mound of frost slowly dying a lamentable death of starvation and hypothermia.
UNTIL ONE DAY, yet another prince came along and met an old man who told him how there should be a castle behind the mountain of ice and that there a beautiful princess has been cryonically preserved for 100 years and with her the king and Queen and the whole court. And the man had heard from his grandfather that many young princes came to break through the frozen wall but everyone of them got stuck or crushed under an avalanche and had a drawn-out, miserable death. But nevertheless, the Prince did not give up hope and continued his journey to the palace. But by insanely extraordinary miraculous coincidence, just as he approached the structure of ice the last second of 100 years had passed and the ice turned into a magnificent waterfall which parted in front of him as Moses had parted the Red Sea escaping the house of bondage in biblical times. The Prince then, without any hesitation whatsoever, ran through the castle and up to the highest landing of the highest tower, kicked down the door to the little room where the Princess lay frozen in the cryo-tube.
And when he saw the Princess looking so lovely in her cryo-tube, he turned the release valve, pulled open the lid and kissed her and she awakened and looked very kindly on him. The King and Queen and the court woke up and gazed at each other in wonderment, the horses in the stables got up, the dogs in the yard arose, the pigeons on the roof lifted their heads from under their wing, the flies on the wall awoke, the kitchen fire leapt up and continued cooking the meat and the cook gave the scullion a hard box on ear so that he roared out in pain, and the maid continued picking the fowl, which I imagine must been quite a bit moldy by now.
And then the two were married and they lived happily together until their lives’ end, which was actually surprisingly soon resulting from eating the 100 year old meat at the wedding party.
THE END
© 2007 oo7 of Classic-Castle.com. All characters and their likenesses found on this page are property of and © 2007 oo7 of Classic-Castle.com. All characters therein are purely fictional; any resemblance to persons, either living or otherwise, is purely coincidental. Any reproduction or copying of any of the material on this page is strictly prohibited except with expressed written authorization.
The Prophecy of the Petrified Princess
Once upon a time in a kingdom of a far, far away land called England there lived a King and Queen who shared a burning desire for a child but yet they had none. But one day while the queen was bathing, a frog, yes, a frog who has absolutely no future in this story and could have just as well have been one of the Queen’s servants, hopped up to her and said “Thy wish shall be fulfilled; before a year has gone by, thou shalt bring a daughter into the world.” The queen, being astoundingly dense, found truth in this cheerful message; a message given to her inside the privacy of her own bath room by a talking frog of unknown origin.
But disregarding every thing I have just previously stated and all known laws of logic and physics, the amphibian’s prophecy came true and she bore a daughter so beautiful that the king could not withhold his pride and joy and he ordained a great and elegant party. He intended to invite thirteen of his friends who ruled over the world superpowers as they might bring much attention to the newborn child. Because the King could only spare twelve golden plates (but mostly because, considering the king’s wealth, Charles Perrault used a poor excuse to patch up a hole in his already set storyline), so he didn’t invite the 13th guest.
The party went along with much splendor and as it drew to an end, the rulers presented their gifts. The President of France gave high couture clothing, the Prime Minister of England presented a Wedgwood China dish set, the President of China gave jade and gold jewelry, and so on until the eleventh stood up and then the uninvited Prime Minister North Korea burst into the Great Hall eager for revenge and yelled out “In the fifteenth year of her life she will drop a bowling ball on her toe and will fall down dead!” And without speaking one more word he turned and left the hall. Everyone stood in shock as the twelfth came forward and said he could not do away with the evil prophecy but he could soften it, so he said, “The princess will not die but fall into a deep state of suspended animation for 100 years.”
The maiden grew up with the pleasure of all her gifts and had a great life until the day of her 15th Birthday. Even if all present bowling equipment was burned and all future equipment was forbidden in the kingdom (which was the case) they could have at least watched over the Princess on her 15th birthday, but then that would ruin this campy and simple-minded plotline. So the King and Queen go out on a pointless but time-consuming errand and leave the Princess all alone in the palace, and being huge a huge structure, sections of it were still remained unexplored to her. So she climbed to the highest landing in highest tower until she reached a door slightly ajar. She cautiously entered and there stood a group of short, bearded, dwarf-like men bowling and drinking from their mugs.
“Good day, brothers,” said the Princess, “what are you doing? “We are bowling and drinking from our mugs.” answered the little men. “What thing is that that rolls so swiftly?” asked the maiden, and taking the object to her hand she thrust the ball down the isle to knock down the pins; but no sooner had she begun than the evil prophecy was fulfilled, and she dropped it on her toe. In that very moment she fell back into a very conveniently placed cryo-tube, the lid shut with a hiss and she lay there in a deep state of cryopreservation. And for the sole reason to make this story increasingly interesting, this suspended animation fell upon the whole palace. The King and Queen who had just returned in the nick of time to be frozen were so rendered along with the whole court in the great hall. The horses in the stables, the dogs in the yard, the pigeons on the roof, the flies on the wall, the very fire that raged in the hearth, became still and calm like the rest; the meat on the spit ceased roasting and the cook about to rip out the scullion’s hair for not seasoning the meat properly, let him go, and went to sleep. And the wind ceased and not a leaf fell from the trees around the castle. And then for the same untold divine “magical” reason, a great barrier of icy stalagmites grew around the castle and thickened every year encasing it in a frozen impermeable wall.
A rumor went abroad about the beautiful frozen Princess in her majestic castle of ice and how sons of various kings occasionally would come to force their way through the ice but every one of them cracked it causing an avalanche to come down upon them and how they could only lay half buried and logged in a heavy mound of frost slowly dying a lamentable death of starvation and hypothermia.
UNTIL ONE DAY, yet another prince came along and met an old man who told him how there should be a castle behind the mountain of ice and that there a beautiful princess has been cryonically preserved for 100 years and with her the king and Queen and the whole court. And the man had heard from his grandfather that many young princes came to break through the frozen wall but everyone of them got stuck or crushed under an avalanche and had a drawn-out, miserable death. But nevertheless, the Prince did not give up hope and continued his journey to the palace. But by insanely extraordinary miraculous coincidence, just as he approached the structure of ice the last second of 100 years had passed and the ice turned into a magnificent waterfall which parted in front of him as Moses had parted the Red Sea escaping the house of bondage in biblical times. The Prince then, without any hesitation whatsoever, ran through the castle and up to the highest landing of the highest tower, kicked down the door to the little room where the Princess lay frozen in the cryo-tube.
And when he saw the Princess looking so lovely in her cryo-tube, he turned the release valve, pulled open the lid and kissed her and she awakened and looked very kindly on him. The King and Queen and the court woke up and gazed at each other in wonderment, the horses in the stables got up, the dogs in the yard arose, the pigeons on the roof lifted their heads from under their wing, the flies on the wall awoke, the kitchen fire leapt up and continued cooking the meat and the cook gave the scullion a hard box on ear so that he roared out in pain, and the maid continued picking the fowl, which I imagine must been quite a bit moldy by now.
And then the two were married and they lived happily together until their lives’ end, which was actually surprisingly soon resulting from eating the 100 year old meat at the wedding party.
THE END
© 2007 oo7 of Classic-Castle.com. All characters and their likenesses found on this page are property of and © 2007 oo7 of Classic-Castle.com. All characters therein are purely fictional; any resemblance to persons, either living or otherwise, is purely coincidental. Any reproduction or copying of any of the material on this page is strictly prohibited except with expressed written authorization.