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Dark Magic for Dummies: Chapter 3 (I think)

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Dark Magic for Dummies: Chapter 3 (I think)

Postby HeartOfDarkness » Sat Sep 22, 2007 4:02 pm

Chapter 3: The Dark Hordes

A general rule of thumb as a Dark Lord is to have some uper-expendable Dark Hordes. While you can usually get what you want (within reason) with Dark Sorcery, It's always good to have disposable minions to slay in anger upon receiving bad news. They also really bolster the ever-necessary intimidation factor whithout being too inconvenient.

As I have said before, the intimidation factor is all-important. I cannot stress this enough. You can afford to be a mediocre sorceror if you have a tall, dark, jagged fortress built inside a volcano with inumerable Dark Legions at your beck and call, whereas you could be the best sorceror in the world and still not make up for living in the Hello Kitty Citadel. A few guidelines for intimidation:

-Keep everything themed around evil. Black with dark red trim works very well. Also, straight lines are things to be avoided; there is nothing that cannot benefit from an jagged angle or a spike.

-Get an intimidating standard. As I have said, angular, jagged things are great, like scorpions, dragons, or flaming tigers. As you enslave nations, you can incorporate this standard into everything, gradually turning it into a dreaded symbol of fear, tyranny, and other awesome stuff.

-Make sure your minions all look pretty much alike, as they're easier to mercilessly slaughter that way. It also looks kind of freaky, raising the ( :shock: ) intimidation factor. Zombies, though tempting, are usually pretty slow, so make sure any zombies you have are in great shape.

-If you're unable to control gigantic legions, don't try and go for a middle ground. Get a gang of devoted superhuman followers like ninjas, pirates, of ninja pirates to do your bidding. Make sure they all have names, deep histories, and beautifull love interests, because for some reason they always fight better and die less often when that happens. Probably due to some greater magic.

-For individuallity, you could go more sinister and have circles and curves instead of angles and spikes. Brown and purple work well for this.

Once you've got your legions, don't bother putting on massive campaigns just yet. Before you do anything, train, train, train. I cannot tell you how valuable trained soldiers are. Give your men good weapons and working armor, and try to have your officers at least semi-capable. Stategy is generally favorable to brute force. Send the best soldiers to attack first. And for crying out loud, give your sentries both eyesight and hearing tests.

Now that you have this all down, you're all set to go off enslaving and conquering. If in trouble, follow your brain, not your heart. I know it works for the heroes, but trust me on this one.

Signed, Skfsaaahaidhornamagshahyauheiklahrhaszachk

Otherwise known as Phil.
Last edited by HeartOfDarkness on Sat Sep 22, 2007 6:11 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby natepc » Sat Sep 22, 2007 5:35 pm

Excellent! However, I have one question. What happened to chapter 2? I found the intro and Chapter 1, but no chapter 3. I have the theory that HeartOfDarkness is going through dusty tomes, forbidden libraries and forgotten caves trying to find the pages of this lost manuscript, which is shared with us as they are found. Close enough?
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Postby HeartOfDarkness » Sat Sep 22, 2007 5:36 pm

Nope. Typo. You'd be surprised how hard it is to write with a pen made from a scorpion's tail.

EDIT: Fix'd. I'm glad you liked it!
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Postby natepc » Sat Sep 22, 2007 5:42 pm

Oh. No doubt it was only a ploy to se who was paying attention. To paraphrase Gandalf, An evil overlord never makes a typo, nor does he misspell. He types precisely what he means to.
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Postby smcginnis » Sat Sep 22, 2007 5:48 pm

HeartOfDarkness wrote:Nope. Typo. You'd be surprised how hard it is to write with a pen made from a scorpion's tail.

EDIT: Fix'd. I'm glad you liked it!


Unfortunately, the text still says '3'.

Anyway, I really love this series. Very funny. Skfsaaahaidhornamagshahyauheiklahrhaszachk otherwise known as Phil's sense of humor is great.

~smcginnis
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Postby HeartOfDarkness » Sat Sep 22, 2007 6:11 pm

Unfortunately, the text still says '3'.


What? It must have been chapter 3 after all! :shock:

Now for the quest to find chapter 2!

Anyway, I really love this series. Very funny. Skfsaaahaidhornamagshahyauheiklahrhaszachk otherwise known as Phil's sense of humor is great.


Thanks! By the way, I hear you volunteered to fight a Dark Legionnaire. Beware, for Captian Reeve is one of my most dedicated soldiers. (Unfortunately, he took the whole 'jagged black and red' thing a bit too seriously, and he's allergic to soap, so he'll have to wait for it to come off naturally.) Anyway, he's among my finest swordsmen, and he's not above fighting dirty. I'd watch out if I were you.
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