Updates on Monarth

[Prince Imdol]

I have sent my story to my English tutor, and my English teacher and they both read excerpts and like it. My classmates say otherwise. They think it is not gory enough. I am just not a gore guy....

Publishing: I haven't made much headway since the last time I mentioned it, but I am sending an excerpt in to see if they like it. I will probably self publish it if they don't already think it is good enough.

I have made some updates on chapter 1 and chapters 15, 17 and 18. Pictures are now unloaded and added into the chapter. NOTE: There will be no pictures in the Love scenes as they are too hard for me to do.

The version I have online is not as good as the current most updated
version I have on my computer.
http://www.freewebs.com/rohanador2

EDIT: I almost forgot. Here is an excerpt from The Chronicles of Monarth: The Nightfall. I have written almost 15 chapters in Nightfall so far.

The beast picked up the body and through it in the air toward Sir William. The knight raise his shield in defense wheeling horse around to evade the attack. The fiery horse turned and faced its opponent again for another bloody charge. This time, Sir William could see the rider upon the black horse. It was a man, yet with two red eyes, that had an endless fiery abyss filling them. Upon his head lay a kingly crown, while his chest was covered in black armor. Yet on the armor was not like any armor Sir William had seen. Then a thought crossed the mind of Sir William. It overtook him as he shuddered at the cold idea.
'The Three,' he knew at once.


P.I

[Maedhros]

They think it is not gory enough.

That got to be one of the weirdest reactions to a story I have ever heard.. Continue with your style instead!

[ottoatm]

This is a typical response from my friends when I was writing stories in school. They weren't very interested in the world or the characters, they just wanted to see some blood flying all over the place.

I think that in the end, if you focus on the plot and the characters and the setting, with the battles and gore as a "frosting" on the cake that is your world, you will find greater success in your story and as a writer.

Although writing about battles is a pretty good time.

[Prince Imdol]

These are comments on our school online blog for our English Class.


"This whole chapter is just too cheesy."

"Thomas you need to learn to be succinct."

"Ya.....Wheres the gore?"


While some of the comments I get are constructive, others are just bad, bland, and mean.


P.I

[Sir Kohran]

These are comments on our school online blog for our English Class.


"This whole chapter is just too cheesy."

"Thomas you need to learn to be succinct."

"Ya.....Wheres the gore?"


While some of the comments I get are constructive, others are just bad, bland, and mean.


P.I

Well assuming the people reading this are also 14, you can't really expect much in the way of intelligent comments from them. So just ignore their immaturity and carry on writing good stuff.

- Matt

[venvorskar]

I think that you should try to publish it if you can. It sounds like something that could be successful. I do think, however, that it is like a lot of other fantasy books already written.

Are you planning to include the illustrations in the published version?

[Sir Kohran]

I think that you should try to publish it if you can. It sounds like something that could be successful. I do think, however, that it is like a lot of other fantasy books already written.

Are you planning to include the illustrations in the published version?

I agree with this. Also some names sound a bit too similar to those in Ikros (Ulvaron/Ulmerad, Breylen/Greylen). It's mostly good work though.

- Matt

[Prince Imdol]

Ulvaron sounds like a good name to me, and very different from Ulmarad. Its mainly how you pronounce it. Its pronounced "Ulveren." But Ulvaron looked better.

I think Breylen is fine. You could say the same about many of my names.

I know there are a lot of fantasy books out there, but that wont stop me.
Also, how did you like my excerpt from Nightfall?


P.I

[Sir Kohran]

Ulvaron sounds like a good name to me, and very different from Ulmarad. Its mainly how you pronounce it. Its pronounced "Ulveren." But Ulvaron looked better.

I think Breylen is fine. You could say the same about many of my names.

You're right; it's just that for someone who is familiar with the Ikros mythology these things stand out a little.

I know there are a lot of fantasy books out there, but that wont stop me.

That's the spirit mate

Also, how did you like my excerpt from Nightfall?

I liked how you kept the action fairly quick; I've read stories where the writer will spend ages describing each and every attack and the killing of every single enemy and the exact feelings as a character fights...the process gets a little dull to read especially when you consider that fights in reality are often very quick. Your description of the enemy rider and him wheeling round for another attack is good without being overlong. Also liked the ominous ending.

Things to improve - focus a little more on the atmosphere of the fight. If he is having a (presumably) dead body launched at him, wouldn't he be a bit shocked/sickened? Also you might want to describe what makes the armour different from everything else.

Overall, good stuff.

- Matt

[ottoatm]

In respect to the comments from your classmates~

First things first (and I'm sure you know this) - you will always get negative feedback from people - even those who love fantasy and/or are your close friends/relatives. Nature of the biz of creative art & writing. I actually stopped showing my writing to friends and relatives.

Second thing, Sir Kohran is right that a lot of your classmates are probably young, and many of them might not know good writing if the book grew legs, ran up to them and slapped them across the face. Take it all with a grain of salt.

I've seen some of the writing you posted over at CW and I do have some comments/recommendations, so I'll give you some of my own feedback too. (Sorry for the delay, I've been traveling quite a bit the last week)

[evilnailman]

If you are planning to publish, edit and edit and re-edit. Be very critical of yourself. When your are totally happy with it keep trying and don't give up. Self publish possibly, but marketing is very hard!

/nitpick mode

the body and through it in the air toward

should it not be - the body and THREW it in the air toward...

nitpick/

Matt[/i]

[Prince Imdol]

Don't forget, the copy I would send in is not the copy that is currently uploaded. All those errors are basically gone.


Thanks Kohran and ottoatm. I hope I can get it published!


Thanks All!


P.I

[ottoatm]

I hope I can get it published!

Me too! That's so cool!

[Prince Imdol]

I am now beginning the process re-shooting all of my story photos. While some are good, I have become a better photographer and photoshop artist since then. In many of my later chapters, you see the images start to improve. I want to have that throughout the whole book.

My photoshopping has gone from this:

http://www.freewebs.com/rohanador/Medieval.jpg

To this:

http://www.freewebs.com/rohanador/IMG%5F9133%20ship.jpg
(I have yet to crop out that industrial city, but I will.)


P.I

[venvorskar]

There's just a few things about that shot that could still be improved. The ship's shadow doesn't really match the shape of the ship, and there is a white fringe around the edges of the ship. Even though your picture doesn't have this problem, one thing that a lot of people don't do is make sure the lighting and colors in the Lego shot and the background shot match up.

These are things a lot of people wouldn't notice, but if you are going to publish these pictures, they should be as good as you can make them.