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The Story of Seikfreid (preview)

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The Story of Seikfreid (preview)

Postby Seikfreid » Mon Aug 31, 2009 9:47 pm

Hey guys, I was trying to come up with an moc topic but I drew a blank, so I decided to write a story about my soon-to be-revealed sig fig. (it's about time I changed my picture! :lol: )

And so, out of the kindness of my heart, I will first run a "trailer" of the story, so that if you die from reading it, your last words can be a request to stop writing so that others may live. No seriously, just give me some feedback please.

So here goes, the "trailer" for The Story of Seikfreid:

Dusk began to settle over the ruins of Rhendge, turning the crumbling walls into towering mountains of stone, dark and forbidding in the fading light. Silent and still, only small flickers of movement and the skittering of tiny feet disturbed the slumber of the ancient city.

Seikfreid slowed as he approached the edge of the forest. Hidden behind a veil of damp leaves and a tangle of vines, he eyed the clearing between himself and the ruins. He would have preferred to cross in the cover of darkness, but there was no time.

Seikfreid glanced quickly over his shoulder, checking to be sure his pursuit was not as close as he feared. The forest was still and tranquil behind him, damp and shadowy in the gloom. He turned back to the field ahead of him, wishing the grass grew just a bit higher or the tress extended just a little farther. There was no avoiding it- he had to get across the open ground to the safety of the ruins. But if someone was watching from the ruins and they caught him in the open....

A barely audible shout in the distance interrupted his thinking. Seikfreid took a deep breath and fitted an arrow to his bowstring. Then he broke cover and raced across the open ground.

He had crossed much of the field and was almost to the safety of the ruins when there was another shout, much closer this time, just outside the fringe of the woods. His pursuers had finally caught him. And they had more than one group.

There was a hiss from behind and an arrow embedded itself in the ground several yards to Seikfreid's left. He glanced back and saw a group of trolls and Un' Aghal* racing across the open ground. One of the Un'Aghal had his crossbow raised while another was reloading on the run. Several trolls were sprinting across the field, much faster than Seikfreid on the open ground. He could not have outdistanced them, but he reached the safety of the ruins and paused a moment to catch his breath.

Seconds later, he dodged to his left and edged along a broken column to a small, L- shaped pile of rubble. He crawled behind it and drew his sword, screened from the pursuing beasts. Moments later, the first band charged into the ruins, entering the same way he had and heading deeper into the maze of stone.

Seikfreid checked over his shoulder at the clearing. No other bands had reached the clearing yet. He darted to his left and went just slightly farther into the ruins, sliding along the inside of the ruined outer wall. Aselfer had told him to reach the forest on the far side of the ruins. There, he would be safe. Aselfer had given his word.

Seikfreid kept running along the wall. It was almost dark now, and he could hear the night sounds ahead of him, getting closer now. He hurdled a fallen stone and turned a corner. The forest lay directly ahead of him, an overgrown trail leading into it, swallowed up in the dark immensity of the trees. In other circumstances, he would have hesitated, but this time he just kept running.

It was this that saved him. He was almost to the trail when he heard another hiss and an arrow hit the ground only feet from him. He turned to look back just as he reached the trail. The band of monsters was charging towards the trail after him from the ruins. Purely by chance, they had stumbled on him, thought Seikfreid. Then his foot caught a root in the dim light and he went down, dropping the sword and lodging his foot in the root.

Seikfreid struggled to free himself, but in vain. The root held fast. He glanced back. The band was almost upon him now, weapons drawn, ready to finish him. He tried to reach his sword, but it was out of reach. With one last effort he freed himself, grabbing the sword and turning. The first troll was so close that his sword arm was poised to strike. Seikfreid raised his sword desperately, knowing he was not in time.

http://www.brickshelf.com/cgi-bin/gallery.cgi?i=4085466

Then, as if from nowhere, a solid, midnight arrow embedded itself in the creature's neck and it collapsed. A second appeared in another troll's throat, silent and deadly. Seikfreid did not even pause to consider if he was in danger. He turned and fled into the forest behind him.

Gallery when public: http://www.brickshelf.com/cgi-bin/gallery.cgi?f=399413

Thus ends the preview of The Story of Seikfreid. Please provide some feedback as well. Oh, and not all the posts will be long and almost pictureless. Also, howdo you get the image to show up on the post as a link to brickshelf? Thanks!
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Seikfreid
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Re: The Story of Seikfreid (preview)

Postby deathdog1 » Fri Sep 04, 2009 10:37 am

A good start -- I like stories that begin with action. Too much background information early on gets tedious. With this story, I'm immediately asking "Why is he being chased? Who sent the trolls, etc., after him? Are the ruins significant? Who is this Aeselfer? How can he guarantee safety in some woods? Who is shooting the arrows into the baddies?
That's fun. Keep going!
"Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn!" http://glomshire.thecomicseries.com/comics/
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Re: The Story of Seikfreid (preview)

Postby Seikfreid » Fri Sep 04, 2009 9:01 pm

deathdog1 wrote:A good start -- I like stories that begin with action. Too much background information early on gets tedious. With this story, I'm immediately asking "Why is he being chased? Who sent the trolls, etc., after him? Are the ruins significant? Who is this Aeselfer? How can he guarantee safety in some woods? Who is shooting the arrows into the baddies?
That's fun. Keep going!

Thanks, Deathdog! It's great to hear this from you, as you provided the push I needed to start this story, with the creation of Glomshire Knights. Thanks for the feedback!
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Seikfreid
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