Thank you all for your suggestions! They were fun and I appreciate them.
I'm going to make up a non-binding poll, so further suggestions are closed, but if you feel the need to put in your two cents worth, please respond on the poll thread (wait for it - I can only type so fast).
Admins, feel free to lock this thread.
Redwine the Ribald: Stare long enough into the abyss...
Two-Tonic Tippler: ...and you spit into it.