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Sir Kejtar and his companions

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Sir Kejtar and his companions

Postby ludzik » Fri Jun 28, 2013 7:46 pm

As many books and stories have characters introductions in the beginning I'll start with them as well. The story will be about sir Kejtar and his quest to reclaim his family goods that were taken by his fathers enemies upon his death. This is a work in progress (as well as my first attempt at story writing) so things might end up changing a bit as the plot develops (though I'm hoping not to have too many changes).


Sir Kejtar - Son of lord Janus. After the death of his father, he was exiled by his family's enemies. During his time away from his ancestral lands, he sought and practiced with all that could provide him knowledge and skill helpful in reclaiming lands. He became a master swordsman and a highly regarded military strategist. Even though he has only seen 35 winters the hard life he led has whitened his facial hair earning him the name Kejtra the GreyFace

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As it was already mentioned, during his travels he trained in martial arts. He became a master swordsman and the long sword is his weapon of choice. He is also skilled with a curved lance, also known as elf's long sword. While fighting on the ground in close quarters he has also been known to use a short handled double edged battle axe.

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His uncle - Dowgierd. He is the Kejtar's fathers younger (significantly) brother. He was his companion during exile.

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His cousin - Boleslaw. They are related through Kejtars aunt (his fathers sister). He was raised at a court of a minor noble and treated as though he was a member of the family. When he found out that Kejtar is on a quest to request family lands, titles and wealth he left the court and joined the cause.

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His cousin - Radowit. He is Zofka's (Kejtar's father's older sister) younger son
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His cousin - Lech. He is Zofka's older son
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Last edited by ludzik on Thu Jan 02, 2014 4:29 am, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: Sir Kejtar and his companions

Postby ludzik » Fri Jun 28, 2013 8:59 pm

Aside from the companions, it is also appropriate to introduce the other characters of the adventure

Lady Olik - she's sir Kejtar's life companion. While they aren't officially married yet (they're waiting for the keep to be complete and for things to settle down) she is to be considered his wife.


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Lady Zofka - as sir Kejtar's father's older sister, she's the family elder. She is sir Lech's and sir Radowit's mother. She left the family lands before Kejtar's father died, to marry a distant lord. Not much is known of her time in the far away lands nor of her husband. She returned with her sons after he (her husband) was brutally murdered (by the family enemies) to aid sir Kejtar in his quest to reclaim family lands, titles and wealth.
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Re: Sir Kejtar and his companions

Postby Justin M » Fri Jun 28, 2013 10:08 pm

Outstanding job so far! Very impressive story. :D
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Re: Sir Kejtar and his companions

Postby ottoatm » Sat Jun 29, 2013 2:33 am

Good to see another story coming alive - and a good cast of characters overall so far. :)
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Re: Sir Kejtar and his companions

Postby Albatross_Viking » Sat Jun 29, 2013 10:19 am

Nice concept and characters, I'm looking forwards to this :)
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Re: Sir Kejtar and his companions

Postby ludzik » Sat Jun 29, 2013 5:09 pm

Here's a teaser ;) keep in mind that this is a work in progress so there are pieces that are not complete yet :)

It was a dark and stormy night. Isn’t that how all the stories start? Well, this isn’t a story but rather my journal and it really was a dark and stormy night! I’m sir Kejtar of Kaszuby and this is my tale.

On the first day of the new moon in the fourth year of King Joster’s reign I was camped out with my companions about three leagues away from the ruins of my late father’s keep. It was dark, stormy and we have been on the road for past two turns of the moon. We have left the land of < > when we heard of the destruction of the keep hoping to salvage what was left and maybe even rebuild it.
You probably wonder…. Three leagues away and we’re camped out in the rain? That can’t be fair to my men or me. Well, life never seems to be simple or fair. My story really begins fourty five years ago, when my father was lord of Kaszuby. He was loved all of the people in the area, with the exception of sir Ulrich. Sir Ulrich was a newcomer to these lands on orders from King Cisaf (Joster’s father) to be the Viceroy over the northern lands. I should probably add that my father was originally offered the title, which he politely refused as he had no desire to be intertwined in the courtly intrigues that come with such position. This is probably where the trouble started as Sir Ulrich was a proud bitter man (a bastard son of a noblewoman taken in and raised by his maternal Aunt) who desired power and recognition and felt slighted that he was not King’s first choice which he voiced on more than one occasion. To be frank, in opinion of the court he should have been content with the fact that he was a choice at all as he never showed any talent for holding an office. Unfortunately northern lands are not a choice destination for most noblemen. They are in parts desolate, in parts wild and in many parts uninhabitable. The winters are fierce (though short) and summers somewhat humid which results in mosquitoes the size of hummingbirds. Ok, I admit, I exaggerated on the mosquitoes but what they lose in size to hummingbirds, they make up in sheer numbers.
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Re: Sir Kejtar and his companions

Postby Albatross_Viking » Sun Jun 30, 2013 1:57 pm

Looking good, Ludzik! The journal narration is an interesting form of story, and one I've seen utilised very effectively in the past.
I also like the way that, unlike many other stories with a journal-style narrator, it's not being written after all the events have unfolded (in this case, after Kejtar has either won back his seat or given up), which leaves the tale open and keeps some of the suspense that flashback stories might otherwise lose.

I've mentioned a few nitpicks of mine here in the quote:
ludzik wrote:
It was a dark and stormy night. Isn’t that how all the stories start? Well, this isn’t a story but rather my journal and it really was a dark and stormy night! I’m sir Kejtar of Kaszuby and this is my tale.

On the first day of the new moon in the fourth year of King Joster’s reign (The first part here seems a bit long and unstructered. Consider cutting down on the amount of date information or presenting it in a less squared way) I was camped out with my companions about three leagues away from the ruins of my late father’s keep. It was dark, stormy and we have been ("Was" + "have been" - present and perfect tense are getting mixed up here. Stick to one time, probably past to keep with the journal style and avoid confusing the reader) on the road for past two turns of the moon. We have left the land of < > when we heard of the destruction of the keep hoping to salvage what was left and maybe even rebuild it.
You probably wonder…. Three leagues away and we’re camped out in the rain? That can’t be fair to my men or me. Well, life never seems to be simple or fair. My story really begins fourty five years ago, when my father was lord of Kaszuby. He was loved all of the people in the area, with the exception of sir Ulrich. Sir Ulrich was a newcomer to these lands on orders from King Cisaf (Joster’s father) to be the Viceroy over the northern lands. I should probably add that my father was originally offered the title, which he politely refused as he had no desire to be intertwined in the courtly intrigues that come with such position. This is probably where the trouble started as Sir Ulrich was a proud bitter man (a bastard son of a noblewoman taken in and raised by his maternal Aunt)(This might just be a personal thing, but I tend to dislike parentheses in fiction. I guess it could work since this story's a diary, but I feel it takes away a bit of the authenticity) who desired power and recognition and felt slighted that he was not King’s first choice which he voiced on more than one occasion. To be frank, in opinion of the court he should have been content with the fact that he was a choice at all as he never showed any talent for holding an office. Unfortunately northern lands are not a choice destination for most noblemen. They are in parts desolate, in parts wild and in many parts uninhabitable. The winters are fierce (though short) and summers somewhat humid which results in mosquitoes the size of hummingbirds. Ok(Now, this is just the linguist in me getting really picky, but "ok" isn't a real word (I think... English isn't my first language), but an abbreviation, and those should generally be avoided in stories. "Okay", on the other hand, is :wink:) , I admit, I exaggerated on the mosquitoes but what they lose in size to hummingbirds, they make up in sheer numbers.


All in all, really good job. I'm looking forwards to more of this! :)
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Re: Sir Kejtar and his companions

Postby ludzik » Sun Jun 30, 2013 2:12 pm

Thanks :). As I said it's a teaser as I just started :). Regarding journal style storytelling, it has always fascinated me. Ever read Amber series by Roger Zelazny ?
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Re: Sir Kejtar and his companions

Postby Albatross_Viking » Mon Jul 01, 2013 9:12 am

ludzik wrote:Thanks :). As I said it's a teaser as I just started :). Regarding journal style storytelling, it has always fascinated me. Ever read Amber series by Roger Zelazny ?

No, but I'll note it down as reading to come.
Another series with this form, though less prominent, is Bernard Cornwell's Warlord Chronicles, which is definitely worth recommendation as well.
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