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The Tale of Venolia - Chapter 1 - (Stranded!)

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The Tale of Venolia - Chapter 1 - (Stranded!)

Postby Cyclonis » Tue Dec 20, 2005 8:43 am

Hello,

You may have read the prologue of my story, in order to get up to pace with the story. Well, chapter 1 is now up for public viewing. The second half of it was originally going to be chapter 2, but then i realised that they would be too short. I still haven't taken photos for the second half, so it may seem a bit boring to you, but please just continue reading and tell me what you think.

Also, I've updated the pic at the front page of my website, check it out!

http://jollybrick.cjb.net/

Click on 'The Tale' then 'Chapter 1' to see the story, or start at the Prologue first, if you haven't seen it already.

Tell me what you think of it.

-Cyclonis
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Postby TheOrk » Tue Dec 20, 2005 4:26 pm

Awsome story Cyclonis!

It's great to see another new LEGO castle story pop up. This one looks pretty good so far. It has a decent amount of pictures andthe font and layout is good. Keep up the good work!

By the Way, I've added this to the Ultimate Stories List. :wink:
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Postby venvorskar » Wed Dec 21, 2005 7:33 pm

Very interesting story! I can't wait for more.
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Postby The Hordesman » Wed Dec 21, 2005 7:48 pm

Isnt he rodding the boat in the wrong way?
Also, is it safe sending out small boats instead of big galleys or galleons?
What if pirates or a storm came?

Just wondering, sorry if I sound too critic.

The pictures are great, but I really need to know how he does it before reading on.
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Postby Lord_Of_The_LEGO » Wed Dec 21, 2005 8:22 pm

A good story so far. I have a couple suggestions. First, there needs to be better contrast between your text and your background. Brown or green text on a tan background is hard to read. I suggest going with black on tan, or ideally, good old-fashioned black text on a white background. Secondly, large blocks of text in italic is quite hard to read. In fact, any type of stylized text (bold, italtic, CAPS) in large blocks of text is hard to read.

I, too, am curious on how they survived in a rowboat for a month while rowing it backwards. :lol:

However, I really like the graphics, especially the first one of the boat on the ocean.

Looking forward to seeing more!
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Postby Cyclonis » Thu Dec 22, 2005 5:29 am

Thanks for the comments.
What do you mean hes rowing it backwards? no he isn't (i dont think) :?
Is the writing that hard to read? Hmm, the people at C-W thought it was fine, but in my next update, I'll try to have a look at it in normal style and i'll see if it looks alright.

Gimme a break on the boat critisism, I'm only 14 :lol:

Anyway thanks for the comments.
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Postby Lord_Of_The_LEGO » Thu Dec 22, 2005 5:41 am

Cyclonis wrote:Thanks for the comments.
What do you mean hes rowing it backwards? no he isn't (i dont think) :?


He is if he wants that pointy end to go forward. ;) See these pics (from Google):

http://www.lancs.ac.uk/users/chap_cen/i ... 20boat.jpg
http://www.btp.police.uk/History%20Soci ... PMAS%20Pic).jpg
http://www.waveneyrivercentre.co.uk/images/row-boat.jpg


Cyclonis wrote:Is the writing that hard to read? Hmm, the people at C-W thought it was fine, but in my next update, I'll try to have a look at it in normal style and i'll see if it looks alright.


Thanks.
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Postby Maedhros » Thu Dec 22, 2005 11:53 am

Cyclonis wrote:Is the writing that hard to read? Hmm, the people at C-W thought it was fine


It´s because we are geeky enough to just read under any circumstances :lol:
"Hinc satis elucet maiorem habere uim ad discenda ista liberam curiositatem quam meticulosam necessitatem.”
- Augustinus Hipponensis
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Postby Cyclonis » Fri Dec 23, 2005 6:02 am

Oh, I made it so that Kayfir would have to drag in the handle of the oars above water then splash them in the water, then he'd have to push fowards on the oars in water, in order to row the boat.

Hold on, if that didn't make sense, then don't worry. The way that I see it, he's rowing it fine, its just that people normally face the other direction and then row in the opposite direction as to what Kayfir is doing in the pics.

I've been writing Chapter 2 of the story in Microsoft word lately, it's going really great. Its heaps long, though, so I might have to break them up into two chapters.

It´s because we are geeky enough to just read under any circumstances

haha. Hey, what's happening with C-W anyway, lately? I can't get to the forum.

-Cyclonis
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Postby Lord_Of_The_LEGO » Fri Dec 23, 2005 6:14 am

Cyclonis wrote:Oh, I made it so that Kayfir would have to drag in the handle of the oars above water then splash them in the water, then he'd have to push fowards on the oars in water, in order to row the boat.


:?

You've never rowed a boat, have you? :lol:

Anyway, I'm looking forward to Chapter 2.
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Postby Cyclonis » Fri Dec 23, 2005 9:22 am

Hehe, no. No I haven't. (I'm only 14, so gimme a break) :lol:

Anyway thanks. I finished chapter 2. It wont be up anytime soon, though. I need less heat in order for me to take perfect photos. Perfection takes time, my friend.
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Postby The Hordesman » Fri Dec 23, 2005 9:49 am

Cyclonis wrote:Hehe, no. No I haven't. (I'm only 14, so gimme a break) :lol:


14? Wow, that is what I call a boatless life! :D

Seriously, I think you need to fix the boat concerns, it kind of bugs me~~
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Postby Maedhros » Fri Dec 23, 2005 10:27 am

Cyclonis wrote:
It´s because we are geeky enough to just read under any circumstances

haha. Hey, what's happening with C-W anyway, lately? I can't get to the forum.


Probably (hopefully!) a temporary problem... according to our almighty admin it will soon be up again...

Sorry for hijacking this thread...
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Postby Sir Kohran » Fri Dec 23, 2005 10:41 am

Cyclonis wrote:Hehe, no. No I haven't. (I'm only 14, so gimme a break) :lol:


There is nothing -- absolutely NOTHING -- half so much
worth doing as simply messing-about in boats.
- Kenneth Grahame, 'The Wind in the Willows'

Anyhow, a good story. I like your imaging; even if it is a bit uneven at times, it is of good quality. I also like the use of the Ninja armour, and the faces you use work well, considering that the expressions are fixed. I also liked the blurred shot of the giant fish underwater.

One thing though...

In the characters page, Cyclonis wrote:He was never told about his mother, but he has one photo of her, next to Steven. He keeps this photo close to his heart.


ANACHRONISM! Photography didn't exist in medeival times! :P

(though I understand it's a fantasy story)
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Postby ottoatm » Sun Dec 25, 2005 4:47 pm

I liked this first chapter when I saw it on CW and I was really glad to see venolia take off.

Hmm... in terms of the boat and the text... they are both good points, although I figured with the people living in the boat for so long, they can't always be rowing, and in fact might be quite uncomforatable in the same position. Actually I was wondering why they didn't throw their armor and what-not into the ocean! :-P

I can see Nathan's point about the text - I hadn't thought about that - maybe I need to stop reading so many stories online these days. But part of CW's purpose is to spot these potential pitfalls, so I guess that although I didn't mind it, I probally should have spotted it and pointed it out. ;-)

I also like how your story takes time to talk about the characters... that is good.

EDIT>> CW is not dead... although it does seem to be slumbering quite heavily. I posted in publishing to describe what is going on these days.
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