Jellybean--Chapter 1: Veterans of Foreign Wars

eNiGMa · Post by **eNiGMa** » Sat May 20, 2006 7:35 pm

I've wanted to do a story for a long time, and have finally gotten around to it. The story is called Jellybean, and is a comedy starring the KK2 knights. The first chapter isn't really that funny, but give it a little time to develop and it will be thoroughly enjoyable.

So, here's the first chapter, in which Danju and Vladek reminisce about their youth:
http://www.brickshelf.com/cgi-bin/gallery.cgi?f=184316

The Hordesman · Post by **The Hordesman** » Sat May 20, 2006 9:27 pm

In pure laziness, I copy my review from Castle World:

Nice! An amusing ending too. However, there are two things that doesnt fit with KK2 canon:

1.There is no royal family in Morcia. The throne is won through the tournament.
2. Vladek is very secret with his evil intent until the day he secretly kidnaps the king and throws him into the dungeon. This isnt a big thing, but explains why the knights didnt have any suspicious thoughts about him before.

The "glory" rays cracked me up!

An interesting thing is that of armor fashion: when young, Danju didnt have his storyline armor, which also explains why the armor designs and colors change a little for every year. Very correct!

Post by **JoshWedin** » Sat May 20, 2006 11:04 pm

Good job! Vladek's hair is good too (though I prefer the Exoforce version,

). The "one-upmanship" of the story is perfect, just like a couple of actual old men. The end cracked me up too.

Keep it up!
Josh

eNiGMa · Post by **eNiGMa** » Sun May 21, 2006 12:24 am

The Hordesman wrote:In pure laziness, I copy my review from Castle World:

Me too.

The Hordesman wrote:1.There is no royal family in Morcia. The throne is won through the tournament.
2. Vladek is very secret with his evil intent until the day he secretly kidnaps the king and throws him into the dungeon. This isnt a big thing, but explains why the knights didnt have any suspicious thoughts about him before.

I'm aware of these, but I decided to take a few creative liberties to offer myself a little more freedom. In the next chapter, for instance, it shows Jayko as King Mathias' son (though, if I remember the canon correctly, he isn't).

The same goes for your second point--I figured it would be more fun to have the Heart of the Shield stolen (which, by canon, shouldn't even be in the castle in the first place, right? Correct me if I'm wrong) than to have the king just thrown in the dungeon. That way there's more of a journey involved for our knights.

Oh, and Josh, your Exo Force hair will be appearing later on in the series.

Thank you for your comments!

smcginnis · Post by **smcginnis** » Sun May 21, 2006 4:01 pm

Very nice. I like how Danju looks stunned after Vladek leaves, and then he says 'Are you gonna eat that?' Priceless. There are some other good bits of humor in here to. I look forward to the next installment.

~smcginnis

Danju the Clever · Post by **Danju the Clever** » Tue May 23, 2006 11:58 pm

Cool battle scenes, and I like the "Glory Days" versions of Danju and Vladek. There were also great funny parts. Can't wait for the next installment.