The Graven Hawk-My entry for the stories contest

Lonan · Post by **Lonan** » Tue Sep 26, 2006 2:55 am

Here's my entry for the storytelling contest entitled The Graven Hawk:

The Graven Hawk

And here's a link to my brickshelf gallery (when moderated), which has all the full size pics from the story along with some extras:

Gallery

This is my first attempt at illustrating a short story, and I must say, it gave me newfound respect for all you guys who have huge story sites. The work you must have put into them makes them all the more impressive. Anyway, I had a blast doing this, and I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed creating it. And please feel free to critique. Constructive criticism is always welcome.

smcginnis · Post by **smcginnis** » Tue Sep 26, 2006 4:20 am

I'm still reading it, but I can tell already that it's quite good. However, page 6 has the same text twice. I doubt that was intentional. Other than that, it's great so far!

~smcginnis

Edit: All right, I've finished it. I won't spoil it for someone else, but it's very good. And that micro castle should definitely be entered in Robin Hood's contest.

~smcginnis

Lonan · Post by **Lonan** » Tue Sep 26, 2006 12:15 pm

Thanks for the heads up about the extra text smcginnis. I've fixed the problem. Thanks for the kind words too, I'm really glad you enjoyed the story.

Maedhros · Post by **Maedhros** » Thu Oct 05, 2006 9:42 pm

Nice story there, Lonan! Cool to see a black protagonist as well... never seen that before in a LEGO story. The mood of the story was nice; it felt quite lighthearted but still serious when you came to those parts of the story.

A suggestion for future stories would be to improve the presentation of your MOCs though, either through more landscaping or photoshopped backgrounds. You still did well with simple methods though. It wasn´t at all bad, but it can always become better

smcginnis wrote:And that micro castle should definitely be entered in Robin Hood's contest.

Uhm.... Where was the micro castle?

smcginnis · Post by **smcginnis** » Thu Oct 05, 2006 10:15 pm

Maedhros wrote:
smcginnis wrote:And that micro castle should definitely be entered in Robin Hood's contest.
Uhm.... Where was the micro castle?

This pic:

http://www.brickshelf.com/cgi-bin/gallery.cgi?i=2043447

~smcginnis

ZIGGY! · Post by **ZIGGY!** » Thu Oct 05, 2006 11:51 pm

Finished! It was rather good, a bit sad. Very good story and mocs though presentation could be better, maybe photoshop...

ZIGGY

Maedhros · Post by **Maedhros** » Fri Oct 06, 2006 7:56 am

smcginnis wrote:
Maedhros wrote:
smcginnis wrote:And that micro castle should definitely be entered in Robin Hood's contest.
Uhm.... Where was the micro castle?
This pic:

http://www.brickshelf.com/cgi-bin/gallery.cgi?i=2043447

~smcginnis

Ah, thanks for pointing that out.

Lonan · Post by **Lonan** » Fri Oct 06, 2006 12:50 pm

Maedhros wrote:Cool to see a black protagonist as well... never seen that before in a LEGO story.

That wasn't really a concious decision. In some current stuff I'm working on, Nith is an old man from a different continent, hence the dark skin. He's always telling very outlandish and incredible tales. I liked the character so much I thought he deserved his own story. Also, I think it's good to have some variety in the appearance of your characters. It helps people keep them straight.

Maedhros wrote:A suggestion for future stories would be to improve the presentation of your MOCs though

ZIGGY! wrote:mocs though presentation could be better, maybe photoshop...

I agree with you guys about that. If there was one thing I was unhappy with it was the quality of the pictures. My camera's kind of hit or miss, especially with close-ups, and the black castle interior MOC was especially hard to photo. The lighter elements kept washing out in those pictures. I like pics photoshopped onto real backgrounds, like in your story, Maedhros. I'll have to try that for next time.

Anyway, I'm happy you guys enjoyed it.