my novel

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sarous
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my novel

Post by sarous »

my novel is about 3 warriors (a half dragon prince, a palidine, and a beastslayer) each are bound by fate to find each other an work together
to defeat demons evil magical viruses and other perils please give feed back
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Lonan
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Post by Lonan »

Well, it's an interesting premise, but we need to see some actual text to really give you feedback. Maybe you could post a few sample paragraphs, or give us more of a description of your characters, etc.
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kelderic
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Post by kelderic »

Is it posted somewhere, and do you have a link?

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sarous
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Post by sarous »

the three main characters are the half dragon prince sarous weilder of the war hammer deinryth and the zanraith black twin blades, daros is a human beast slayer and next to haloris sarous' closest friend(and the only one to beat him in fully armed combat), jiros is a palidine of light need i say more?
in the first novel sarous and daros fight to find jiros and to unlock the power of the warrior souls within them
in the second novel sarous and daros get help from a drifter ranger to help destroy an evil virus that took control of a god and used him to free the god's evil brother and start a war among the godsbut because of the friend ship between jiros and the god, jirous refuses to fight
and no i have no link sorry
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sarous
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Post by sarous »

the story takes place on ancheint mysticaria
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Maedhros
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Post by Maedhros »

But is it written, if so, can´t you just copy and paste it here?

And just curious, do you play Warhammer? Since the twinblade Zanraith sounded very much like the woodelven twinblades Saemrath of the Warhammer World ;)
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sarous
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Post by sarous »

no i dont and the word zanraith is runic for peace keeper
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sarous
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Post by sarous »

if any one has an objection to my novel pm me what you think
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Post by sarous »

to those who want the book when it comes out the first chapter is
ch1
The clash of silver on steel could be heard through out the royal city. Prince Sarous parried another blow from his sister’s lancespear “hey, sis “arrogant Sarous called mockingly over the noise of the blades “how slow is your blade?” then his sister Princess Clairous hollered back “don’t be so cocky dear brother” as she said brother she thrust her spear at Sarous’ head. Faster than she could think possible Sarous back flipped grabbing the spear with his feet, wrenching it from her hands and sending it into a wall. Sarous over through his flip launching him self at the wall his sister’ spear was in. luckily his feet hit the below the spear and he crouched to absorb the impact and launched him self back at his sister. As soon as Sarous sprang Clairous pull out a fighting dagger and stopped his blow in its tracks. Knowing he was beaten Sarous pulled a desperate move. Calling to his stables” Nirydostya I need your strength.” Ten they heard two roars melding together and the con concussion of giant wings flapping. In the middle of the sky the silhouette of a two headed dragon appeared, growing larger each second until a huge two headed dragon landed beside Sarous. Nirydostya was unlike other most other dragons because of the fact it has two heads and each head is a different gender. The dragon‘s male head briefly brushed Sarous’ shoulder when he called out “Dra kyn mortis icrathian den riath!” Clairous was hit with a pulsing night blue light as the spell took hold. The light grew in brightness and intensity until a final surge and the light faded. In the crater where her brother had been
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kelderic
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Post by kelderic »

Well, it seems good. However, I am not sure if this is the beginning, middle or end. Also, are the two enemies, or just practicing?

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sarous
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Post by sarous »

its a brother and sister practising and sarous does not like being beaten
this is part of the first chapter
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Post by Spongey »

I'm not an admin, so my opinion doesn't count for much, but I recommend to Sarous that you don't double/triple post to much. If you think of something that you want to add on to a post, edit it so you don't clog up the thread too much.
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sarous
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Post by sarous »

thanks for the posts
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Post by Prince Imdol »

Hmm, i like it. But it could use some more description. Maybe a more feel of medieval like to it. In medieval times you would not say "sis." But the story is good enough. Maybe you could still be a bit more descriptive of the things around. I know its in a city, but what kind? Are there people? Maybe soldiers on there whach.
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sarous
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Post by sarous »

the story is just starting, prince, if i had on here what i have writen in my note book the post itself would last 11 pages
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