Classic-Castle.com


The source for all your LEGO Castle needs!

Chapter One

Discussion of Castle Themed stories

Chapter One

Postby Spongey » Sat Feb 03, 2007 12:04 am

Here is the first chapter for my MOCTale. No title yet, but tell me what you think. I haven't made a website to host it on yet, but that is a matter of days away.
Nick Farnshaw could feel the rage quell up inside of him. Bodies, both Black Wolf and Timberman, littered the floor of the glade. The last remnants of the attack party could still be seen as they set anchor from the Easton Port. As if to mock the helpless defenders of the forest, the crewmen of the last undamaged ship raised up their flag of victory, an ebony wolf with crimson blood dripping from its fangs. They had not won, by any means, yet they chose to sail out into the vast sea feigning triumph. It was this act that was the last nail in the coffin of the Timbermen.
The day had begun peacefully enough; the Timbermen, inhabitants of the small port hamlet of Easton on the eaves of the Deepwood, had gotten up early to prepare for the feast of the Mariners, an annual festival celebrating the hamlet’s foundation by the crew of the Wave Marcher three hundred years ago. The villagers embraced both of their backgrounds: hardy men of the forest, as well as free children of the sea. Experts at boat making and fishing, they were also keen hunters and respected bow makers. However, they did contain themselves to the immediate area of their small village, and used their skills only to support themselves: the sea was for fish, not exploration, and the forest for wood and game, not colonization. Children were told legends still believed by many adults of the queer happenings of the centre of the Deepwood. They respected their natural environment, and were dear friends of the trees: wood was only used when found dead, and from live trees only after a long sacrificial ceremony.
It was this reverence for the woods that led to their confrontation with the Black Wolves. The men were at their nets, casting for fish, when they spotted a grey sail emblazoned with a black wolf.
“This sight can only mean one thing,” said Old Tom, one of the wisest and most respected members of Easton, and one of the few men who was literate. The Timbermen were eloquent speakers for the most part, but never bothered with written language. It was said that Old Tom learned from the wizard Arwyl, a figure of legend in the world of the Timbermen.
“Black Wolves are coming to shore. Nate, get the archers ready!”
The Timbermen had never been fond of the Black Wolves, seeing them as pillagers and oppressors. However, in their few confrontations, usually when they traded fish and wood for metal and ceramics, they had remained civil, respecting the land. Still, the elders of the community, like Old Tom, did not trust them, and insisted upon armed guards when the trading took place.
Peter Farnshaw, the leader of the small defensive force, began gearing up the archers. Stern and diplomatic, he was still a kind leader and an inspiring father for his son Nick. A skilled swordsman, which was a rarity amongst the Timbermen, he was also one of the most accurate archers in the town. His brother had been killed after a raid by barbarians in the north; one of the main reasons that a defensive force had been set up in the town. It was said that he was never seen to be cheerful after his brother’s murder. Now, he stood, stern as ever, putting the archers through their paces alongside his assistant Nate, as the Black Wolf ship drew ever nearer.
The vessel, which could now be seen bearing the name Death water, creaked and groaned as it settled into port. Black Wolf soldiers, bearing the signature emblem that was seen on the sail, could be seen on deck, armed with swords, as well as a strange type of single-headed axe. The gangway was dropped, and a man fully clad in cruel, black armour descended.
“Necrophus,” muttered Old Tom. Sir Necrophus was the right hand man of Lord Blackwell, the dark leader of the Black Wolves. He was also the trade master of the faction, meaning he was the one who was usually seen during these situations. As was the case with all of the Black Wolves, he remained fully armoured. He did lift his visor when speaking, revealing cunning eyes, but his face remained shadowed. His reedy voice was nearly lost over the sound of crashing waves.
“We request wood,” he said, almost mechanically.
Old Tom acted as the negotiator.
“We have no wood for you today. Come back five days hence, after our festival, and we will have many trunks for you.”
“You say no to us? We will not accept refusal.”
“And we will not accept disrespect. The wood belongs to the forest, and we have been chosen as stewards of the land.”
“Then we will be forced to use desperate measures. Men, down the gangplank. Axes at the ready. Cut down the trees. Take no prisoners.”
Image
User avatar
Spongey
Merchant
 
Posts: 1377
Joined: Sun Aug 13, 2006 4:39 pm
Location: Canada

Postby Prince Imdol » Sat Feb 03, 2007 12:21 am

A good little chapter. But there is only one thing it needs. Pictures, would make it perfect. I would love to see some picture illustrations.
User avatar
Prince Imdol
Master
 
Posts: 1762
Joined: Fri Oct 20, 2006 1:11 am
Location: Massachusetts

Postby Maedhros » Sat Feb 03, 2007 7:34 pm

Looks good so far. Can´t say very much yet but I do like the Timber-men and the culture you have created for them. Looking forward to more! (and illustrations of course ;))
"Hinc satis elucet maiorem habere uim ad discenda ista liberam curiositatem quam meticulosam necessitatem.”
- Augustinus Hipponensis
User avatar
Maedhros
Knight Templar
Knight Templar
 
Posts: 1929
Joined: Mon Jul 18, 2005 8:22 pm
Location: The dark forests of Sweden

Postby kelderic » Sat Feb 03, 2007 10:55 pm

Hmm, it has an interesting storyline. I hope to see the next chapter soon.

Kelderic
Battling with college to try and prevent the dark age.
User avatar
kelderic
Knight Bannerett
 
Posts: 2583
Joined: Mon May 01, 2006 8:45 pm
Location: Indiana, USA

Postby Prince Imdol » Sun Feb 04, 2007 2:37 am

Your really good at making sure your reader can know what the surroundings around him look like.
User avatar
Prince Imdol
Master
 
Posts: 1762
Joined: Fri Oct 20, 2006 1:11 am
Location: Massachusetts

Postby Spongey » Sat Feb 10, 2007 6:38 pm

Hello. Just wanted to say that this chapter is now available on my site.
http://www.freewebs.com/land-of-timbermen/chapterone.htm
Last edited by Spongey on Fri Jun 08, 2007 7:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Image
User avatar
Spongey
Merchant
 
Posts: 1377
Joined: Sun Aug 13, 2006 4:39 pm
Location: Canada

Postby Knight David » Wed Mar 21, 2007 5:31 pm

some pic's would make this great, otherwise its super!!!

Keep it up,
David
User avatar
Knight David
Gong Farmer
Gong Farmer
 
Posts: 123
Joined: Tue Jan 30, 2007 8:58 pm
Location: Ireland

Postby nwinch » Wed Jun 06, 2007 4:46 pm

Spongey wrote:Hello. Just wanted to say that this chapter is now available on my site.
[url]http://www.freewebs.com/land-of-timbermen/chapterone.htm
I have updated it to include the first major battle of the story: The Battle of Deepwood. It is now about 100% to 150% longer than the original chapter. By the way, this battle might be illustrated for Josh Wedin's battles contest.
Please review this new addition.

Thanks,

Spongey[/url]


hi the ulr isn't working
92% of teens would die if Abercrombie & Fitch said it wasnt cool to breathe. Put this in your sig if you are one of the 8% who would be laughing
User avatar
nwinch
Peasant
 
Posts: 70
Joined: Thu May 31, 2007 4:20 pm
Location: ::classified::

Postby Spongey » Wed Jun 06, 2007 9:38 pm

I know. Weird things have been happening, which is one of the reasons I haven't been more active with the story. I can't edit the page, and when I asked my teacher to read the story, she also said the URL's not working.
Image
User avatar
Spongey
Merchant
 
Posts: 1377
Joined: Sun Aug 13, 2006 4:39 pm
Location: Canada

Postby smcginnis » Wed Jun 06, 2007 11:51 pm

Spongey wrote:I know. Weird things have been happening, which is one of the reasons I haven't been more active with the story. I can't edit the page, and when I asked my teacher to read the story, she also said the URL's not working.


I think he meant the link wasn't working from here (although you might've meant that too). I got to the site just fine by copying and pasting the link. You know, Spongey, you don't need to type [url][/ url], you can just paste the link into the page and it'll show up clickable (as below).

nwinch, and anyone else who wants to reach it, here it is in clickable form:
http://www.freewebs.com/land-of-timberm ... terone.htm

Anyway, as I said (oh wait, must've been in my head...), nice story. I hope you can get whatever is wrong fixed.

~smcginnis
Learning French.

Say it "ESS-MICK-GIN-ISS", with a hard "G", as in "get".

I'm a Pumpkin.

Free Rice
User avatar
smcginnis
Justiciar
 
Posts: 1868
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2006 9:00 pm
Location: Santa Rosa, California

Postby Strider » Thu Jun 07, 2007 1:31 pm

i personally like it a lot. better if illustrated :wink:
Fighting my way through skeletons
User avatar
Strider
Laborer
 
Posts: 139
Joined: Tue May 08, 2007 1:45 pm
Location: somewhere that is not here

Postby Donut » Thu Jun 07, 2007 2:37 pm

Hi Spongey nice story you have got there.

I think this may solve your problem:

<url=http://www.freewebs.com/land-of-timbermen/chapterone.htm> Spongey</url>

Replace all the "< >" with "[ ]" and the link will work in your name.

If it still doesn't work then you can go to profile settings and allow BBCode.
User avatar
Donut
Councilor
 
Posts: 1007
Joined: Sat Jun 02, 2007 12:00 am
Location: USA

Postby Spongey » Fri Jun 08, 2007 7:46 pm

Thanks for your help. Hopefully I can get to edit the story. Exams are a week away, and I'll probably get back to writing a little after them.

EDIT: Link fixed, although the rest of the post text was lost.
Image
User avatar
Spongey
Merchant
 
Posts: 1377
Joined: Sun Aug 13, 2006 4:39 pm
Location: Canada

Postby smcginnis » Fri Jun 08, 2007 9:13 pm

Spongey wrote:Thanks for your help. Hopefully I can get to edit the story. Exams are a week away, and I'll probably get back to writing a little after them.

EDIT: Link fixed, although the rest of the post text was lost.


Here it is (from nwinch's quote):
A couple months ago, you (Spongey) wrote:I have updated it to include the first major battle of the story: The Battle of Deepwood. It is now about 100% to 150% longer than the original chapter. By the way, this battle might be illustrated for Josh Wedin's battles contest.
Please review this new addition.

Thanks,

Spongey


~smcginnis
Learning French.

Say it "ESS-MICK-GIN-ISS", with a hard "G", as in "get".

I'm a Pumpkin.

Free Rice
User avatar
smcginnis
Justiciar
 
Posts: 1868
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2006 9:00 pm
Location: Santa Rosa, California


Return to Stories

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: verneer and 1 guest