Classic-Castle.com


The source for all your LEGO Castle needs!

Harindel: Chapter one

Discussion of Castle Themed stories

Harindel: Chapter one

Postby Lamanda2 » Mon Feb 05, 2007 4:30 am

Hello my fellow castlers,
way back when the story contest began, I got an idea for this story. But what with the comic I made, I never got around to writing it.

So now I give you Chapter one:
'Link

I am quite new at writing, so any of your opinions would be appreciated.
This is the first story I've ever tried to write. :P

Thanks

~Amanda
Last edited by Lamanda2 on Tue Feb 06, 2007 6:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
Lamanda2
Merchant
 
Posts: 1217
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2006 3:05 am
Location: US of A

Postby Maedhros » Mon Feb 05, 2007 8:00 am

Promising indeed. Your concept is really nice and I simply loved the opening text (‘While one world sleeps, another is wide-awake..’

What world am I talking about? Why Harindel of course! For many, night is a time of rest, but for the people of Harindel night is an ever-lasting light, gleaming with adventure. Few foreigners have ever set foot in this world, for to travel to Harindel you must know of it. Dream of it. As if you had been there before...
)

Your pics are very nice as well, good lighting effect. I assume you are quite experienced in the ways of photoediting?

And about the writing, I think you need to vary your language a bit, for example you had a lot of sentences starting with "he" (most of them in a row as well). It looks promising though, I´ll be sure to follow this ;)
"Hinc satis elucet maiorem habere uim ad discenda ista liberam curiositatem quam meticulosam necessitatem.”
- Augustinus Hipponensis
User avatar
Maedhros
Knight Templar
Knight Templar
 
Posts: 1879
Joined: Mon Jul 18, 2005 8:22 pm
Location: The dark forests of Sweden

Postby Prince Imdol » Mon Feb 05, 2007 12:11 pm

Hey, how did you get the backround using freewebs.com. I know you used the same one as Ikros, but how did you use the HTMLto do that.
User avatar
Prince Imdol
Master
 
Posts: 1762
Joined: Fri Oct 20, 2006 1:11 am
Location: Massachusetts

Postby pacman110011 » Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:18 pm

Very nice Amanda. The pictures have a very nice look to them(nice editing). The lamp and its room are very nice, I never would have thought of that. The story line is very interesting and I can't wait for chapter 2. I also like that his hair changed from nice and spiked, to "moppy" bed hair- very smart thinking.
-Devin
User avatar
pacman110011
Artisan
 
Posts: 252
Joined: Sat Sep 16, 2006 3:11 am
Location: Oklahoma

Postby Spongey » Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:37 pm

Great story. You've really gotten me hooked. I agree with Maedhros; your opening statement is great.
Image
User avatar
Spongey
Merchant
 
Posts: 1377
Joined: Sun Aug 13, 2006 4:39 pm
Location: Canada

Postby Lamanda2 » Tue Feb 06, 2007 4:08 am

Thank you for the kind replies!

"And about the writing, I think you need to vary your language a bit, for example you had a lot of sentences starting with "he".."

Heh.. :wink:
I have always had trouble with that, and I absolutely hate it! I think I'll read a couple books or stories and look at the way they are written. Because for some reason I have trouble avoiding that.
Thanks for that tip, and I am glad you like my opening. :)

"I assume you are quite experienced in the ways of photoediting?"

Well, Actually I don't think I am 'experienced'. I just downloaded 'The Gimp' (Basically free photo-shop) a few weeks ago and have been playing around with it. It's very fun. :P

"how did you get the backround using freewebs.com"
It's just one of the paper backgrounds on freewebs, nothing too special. :wink:

Devin- Thank you. I am glad you like the story. (And the lamp!)
Hopefully Chapter 2 won't be far off, I have already taken one picture for it, and I have a little of the writing done.

Spongey- Thanks! I'm glad that you, too liked the opening statement.

~Amanda
User avatar
Lamanda2
Merchant
 
Posts: 1217
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2006 3:05 am
Location: US of A

Postby Remyth » Tue Feb 06, 2007 4:13 am

Oops! Forgot to reply to this earlier!

THis is a great beginning, Amanda! I was really disappointed that you didn't have more done yet. :D

I have always liked this kind of story(it just so happens I want to be a writer when I get older).

Can't wait for more!

In Christ,
Thomas Wunz <><

"A nameless, shapeless beast from the dark underside of Chat." - Josh Wedin

Flickr
User avatar
Remyth
Trade King
 
Posts: 1855
Joined: Sun Apr 02, 2006 3:43 am
Location: At the corner of Nowhere Avenue and Not Close to Anything Street

Postby Shurtugal » Tue Feb 06, 2007 4:48 am

Awesome beginning, Amanda! Outstanding! I'll have to admit, though, I was a little dissapointed with the cliche premise of falling asleep and waking up somewhere else, but, I'm sure Will will be having more adventures which will make the beginning not matter so much :P . I, too, am waiting for more!
~Andrew C.

MOCpages!

Eka ai fricai un Shur'tugal! I am a Rider and a friend!
User avatar
Shurtugal
Bailiff
 
Posts: 340
Joined: Thu May 25, 2006 11:26 pm
Location: On the Albertan Prairies, listening to some slow country music

Postby kelderic » Tue Feb 06, 2007 4:52 am

Very nice, Amanda.

Kelderic
Battling with college to try and prevent the dark age.
User avatar
kelderic
Knight Bannerett
 
Posts: 2583
Joined: Mon May 01, 2006 8:45 pm
Location: Indiana, USA

Postby Maedhros » Tue Feb 06, 2007 7:14 pm

Lamanda2 wrote:Thank you for the kind replies!

"And about the writing, I think you need to vary your language a bit, for example you had a lot of sentences starting with "he".."

Heh.. :wink:
I have always had trouble with that, and I absolutely hate it! I think I'll read a couple books or stories and look at the way they are written. Because for some reason I have trouble avoiding that.
Thanks for that tip, and I am glad you like my opening. :)


I know the feeling, it happened to me all the time in the beginning as well (and still do sometimes!) and it´s incredibly frustrating. OTOH we as the authors tend to look upon our own works with a lot more critical eyes (plus that we read it far too many times) than our readers so don´t worry too much if you sometimes feel like it´s really bad. It has happened to me numerous times that I have really hated something that I have written just to hear from objective readers that it is excellent :P
"Hinc satis elucet maiorem habere uim ad discenda ista liberam curiositatem quam meticulosam necessitatem.”
- Augustinus Hipponensis
User avatar
Maedhros
Knight Templar
Knight Templar
 
Posts: 1879
Joined: Mon Jul 18, 2005 8:22 pm
Location: The dark forests of Sweden

Postby Lamanda2 » Tue Feb 06, 2007 7:34 pm

"This is a great beginning, Amanda! I was really disappointed that you didn't have more done yet."

Thanks! And don't worry, I have been doing a bit of writing for the next chapter. If I keep it up, you should be able to read it with a couple of days.

"I'm sure Will will be having more adventures which will make the beginning not matter so much."

I am sure Will will! :P

"..It has happened to me numerous times that I have really hated something that I have written just to hear from objective readers that it is excellent "

Yeah, that seems to be my case with this.
Although I do like my story, I just wasn't sure if anyone else would! :P

Thanks again.
~Amanda
User avatar
Lamanda2
Merchant
 
Posts: 1217
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2006 3:05 am
Location: US of A


Return to Stories

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests