Classic-Castle Roleplay Planning: May 2005

[Formendacil]

Greetings Roleplayers!

Questions and comments regarding the CCRP should be posted here. Additions to the continuing epic should be posted in this thread.

Let the adventure continue!

[Formendacil]

THe rage kinda cooled down. The POSSIBLE seizers of the royal power their armies ran out, Varras has proven to be the strongest lord of the Traitors. Gimme two weeks or so and I'll end this plot so Willem can become the King again.

Sir Drake, it has been a week, and you've done nothing to end this plot. Are you still planning on it? If you've found that this plot has become too boring, or if you're deadlocked, or if you don't have time, then the Moderators will be happy to clean it up for you, and let you get on to other character adventures. I notice that you haven't done anything with Drake and his men for a while, for example.

Whatever the case, please let us know. This is one reason we don't like big plots: you HAVE to continue/finish them, because a war doesn't let up. A personal plot can be dropped for a while, or for good, because it doesn't mean that a whole country is left hanging, but a war HAS to go one.

Anyway, please let us know what the current status is concerning this.

[Lord_Of_The_LEGO]

Alright, the members pages have been updated:

http://www.classic-castle.com/events/ga ... mbers.html

http://www.classic-castle.com/events/ga ... cters.html

http://www.classic-castle.com/events/ga ... dacil.html

http://www.classic-castle.com/events/ga ... nHood.html

http://www.classic-castle.com/events/ga ... Drake.html

And I'm happy to announce a new member, Venvorskar!

http://www.classic-castle.com/events/ga ... rskar.html

Welcome to the Classic Castle Roleplay, Venvorskar! Feel free to post any time!

[Robin Hood]

Cool. Its great to see my two new chars up. Some year I hope to have pics.

BTW: One of Sir Drake's dead chars shows up as alive. Thought you should know.

Dan

[Formendacil]

Welcome aboard, Venvorskar! It's nice to have another member, and those are some interesting profiles you've got there. I like the idea of the old (well, not THAT old yet) who want to see a dragon before they get too aged. A very original idea.

By the way, thanks for updating the characters, Nate. I can now sleep at night knowing all of my characters have pictures.

[Sir Drake]

THe rage kinda cooled down. The POSSIBLE seizers of the royal power their armies ran out, Varras has proven to be the strongest lord of the Traitors. Gimme two weeks or so and I'll end this plot so Willem can become the King again.

Sir Drake, it has been a week, and you've done nothing to end this plot. Are you still planning on it? If you've found that this plot has become too boring, or if you're deadlocked, or if you don't have time, then the Moderators will be happy to clean it up for you, and let you get on to other character adventures. I notice that you haven't done anything with Drake and his men for a while, for example.

Whatever the case, please let us know. This is one reason we don't like big plots: you HAVE to continue/finish them, because a war doesn't let up. A personal plot can be dropped for a while, or for good, because it doesn't mean that a whole country is left hanging, but a war HAS to go one.

Anyway, please let us know what the current status is concerning this.

I know, but I had a really slow internet connection this week, I kinda downloaded too much . I'll see if I can get it done this week. Again, I am sorry

*EDIT* Um, Nathan, I checked the DEAD page and you putted Swift on DEAD. Just to let you know, he's still alive.

[Formendacil]

All right, we can understand that a slow connection makes problems, but we haven't seen anything for a while now, even before the last week or so, so it's only natural that we wonder.

Normally, we wouldn't worry if a Roleplayer had dropped or forgotten a plot, but in the case of a nation-wide one, we are obliged to keep an eye on it. Which, as already mentioned, is one reason why MNPCs were created to cut down on those sorts of plots.

Anyway, I look forward to seeing the climax to your plot, and hope your internet smartens up.

~Michael A. Joosten - Gaming Moderator~

[Dragoman]

Hey guys sorry about being away for so long. I really didn't mean to be such a flake. Life has been... well let me just say its been life.
I'll try to start posting again after I'm up to date with all that has hapened in the RP

then I'm going have to see if I can work with what I left two months ago.

[Formendacil]

Hey guys sorry about being away for so long. I really didn't mean to be such a flake. Life has been... well let me just say its been life.
I'll try to start posting again after I'm up to date with all that has hapened in the RP

then I'm going have to see if I can work with what I left two months ago.

Glad to hear you're back! Hope you can stay. I look forward to seeing you post again.

[Dragoman]

Could someone give me some constructive criticism on my posts so I can know what to work on? I feel like I’m missing something.

Thanks

[TheOrk]

Could someone give me some constructive criticism on my posts so I can know what to work on? I feel like I’m missing something.

Thanks

First off, welcome back to the RolePlay!
I think your posts are great, I can't see anything that needs work.

[Formendacil]

Could someone give me some constructive criticism on my posts so I can know what to work on? I feel like I’m missing something.

Thanks

I don't know that I'm really qualified to do this, but I'll have a go with your latest post. Although let me say, right off, that I think you're doing an excellent job for a beginner. Stick around and you'll probably be one of the pillars of the Roleplay. Anyway, here goes:

???

But before they knew it the Mauler hit the sandy ground. And they were safe… or so they thought.

Take careful note of those question marks I inserted. This is my biggest pet peeve about Roleplayers, and I've seen pretty much every one of them do it, up to and including our revered leader: there is no Grid and Location. Do not assume that people will remember from the last post. Rule of thumb, unless your post follows IMMEDIATELY after the last one in the EXACT same location, post the grid and location.

Theron then began to have a bad feeling that he and his men were not out of dark waters just yet. Knowing his instincts have never failed him, he knew everyone needed to get off the Mauler now.

I don't really know how you would go about doing it, but I would say that you could use a slight amount of practise regarding your choice of words. What you use is very functional and readable, but you could be slightly more economical or exciting in your choices. This is, however, just a personal feeling, and not something I stress too much. I'll give an example, though, to give you a slight idea, of what I am talking about, by re-writing the above quote:

Theron began to have a bad feeling that he and his men were not out of the dark waters just yet. Knowing that his instincts had never yet failed him, he knew that everyone needed to get off the Mauler now.

There. A slight re-wording. As stated, not something to worry about too much. Really, the only thing this passage really has to point out is to italicize any ships' names. I know that a lot of people (including certain Moderators )don't bother, and it really isn't important, but it adds a little bit of snap to your posts, and makes them look just that much better.

“Lower the plank!” he exclaimed “abandon ship!!!”

Just a tiny thought here: since lowering the plank is the phrase usually associated (rightly or wrongly) with pirate executions, is it really a suitable choice for escaping, an action fraught with life-SAVING?

No one had to be told twice after seeing what had happened to the Mortem and Courtest. They were more then glad to get on to dry land and away from the murky waters.

Than or then? It's a tiny difference of one letter. And really, not something to stress over. EVERYBODY has typos. I probably have a typo or four somewhere in this critique of your post. However, if you want to be perfect, watching out for spelling errors is always a good step to take.

But just as the last few solders were evocating and Theron still aboard, the ship began to gently wobble which quickly became a heavy gosling.

Okay, you've stumped me. What does gosling mean? Let me look it up...

1. A young goose.
2. A naive or inexperienced young person.

For a few moments there, I thought that you might be using a word I didn't recognise. At all. Which would be quite a feat, although certainly not impossible. However, from the context, I will assume that you mean "jostling", which suits what you seem to be saying a lot better.

I'm not warning against big words here, I'm just struggling to find things to point out. And, speaking with the voice of experience, if you use words that you aren't QUITE certain of the spelling/meaning of, you're bound to be burned eventually. Don't lose sleep over it.

Theron notice the ship was staring to be swayed back in the waters and he recognized right then that he had to get off. But before he was able to reach the plank a large tentacle swirled out from the gloomy blue and crashed it down in to two peaces. When Theron saw this he became very frustrated, he had lost two scorpions ships and close to 80 men to this thing and he didn’t even know what it was. But just then he realize something and with that realization he came to a sense of relief for the creature had reveled that it was indeed a physical beast when it had smashed down the plank and not some enchantment of which he had no way to combat.

I'm wondering slightly about the logic of the story here. How is it that Theron's men had time to get off the ship, but Theron (who should have been right behind them) did not? I realize that you want to have a bit of a fight here, and I know I'm guilty of slight leaps of logic like this myself, but if you want to improve, here are a couple suggestions: you could have made something happen to keep Theron on the ship IMMEDIATELY as he was going off, or you could have had him go back to get something.

Tight logic is always good. The tighter the better. Although there are times when its easier or just plain necessary to loosen it up a bit. This stretch in logic is minor, and soon forgotten. If it were a big thing I'd worry. This isn't big.

After realizing this, he gave a smirk and thought to him self: “at last, something for me to kill”

Nice bit here: it gives us some insight into his character. Besides, it's fun to read.

With that he pulled out one of his spears and started to run his way towards the back of the quaking ship near where the tentacle had came from.

I don't know if this is something to worry about or not, but "the back of the ship near where the tentacle had come from" somehow seems slightly off. After all, this tentacle is obviously large enough to be smashing a ship, so it's not really going to be necessary to go after it. It will come to you. However, don't take this criticism seriously: the reason I picked it up is that I've noticed myself do similar things several times.

But when he had got there he saw not just one but many tentacles clinging to the Mauler. And it looked as if the tentacles were rapping around the hull of the ship trying to get a better grip. Theron couldn’t let this happen now knowing what it was. If he lost the Mauler to this great beast then there would be little hope of ever getting off the island, not to mention he would loose the supplies that were still onboard.

Just a continuation of last paragraph's critique: I don't think that Theron would need to go TO the tentacles to notice that there were several. Unless we're talking a ship the size of an aircraft carrier, and every indication you've given is that this is a more-or-less normal-sized ship. Again, just a minor, realism-related problem.

So Theron took his spear and went to find a vital point to strike, but there was none, only tentacles. The beast itself seemed to be submerged and only a gloomy outline could be made out. So Theron gathered his strength and throw his great spear toward the dark shadow beneath the water’s surface hoping against hope that it would pears its flesh.

Hmm... do I detect undertones of The Lord of the Rings??? Seriously, no problem here that I can critique, except maybe a bit more caution on the spelling. To "pears" one's flesh sounds like smearing it with a tree-grown fruit. I believe that you mean "pierce".

And so it did, and with it a huge kraken came up thriving in pain released the ship and began to thrash around in the waters it was still partially in. This was what Theron was hoping for and so he pulled out his second spear seeing that the first had not gone in far enough and jumped out from the Mauler and attacked the mighty kraken from above, and while still in midair he thru his spear with both hands over head in to the kraken. When it had hit the beast the mighty force of from Theron’s arm had pushed the spear so far in the kraken’s brain that the entire spear could no longer be seen. And so the krakan died and moved no more.

Just a few spelling things to point out here (seems to be your Achilles' Heel): thriving is to do well, to grow abundantly. I think you mean writhing. Also, don't use words like "thru". Try to look at this as an epic novel, with formal spelling. You should therefore use the more proper "through".

As an addendum, which I hope all Roleplayers will read, don't use acronyms or abbreviations like "KK2" or "BTW". Use the proper words.

When the ship hand stopped moving around the shadow knight solders became very anxious about what had happened for all they had seen was there brave commander just suddenly run and jump off the ship with his spear in hand toward the tentacle beast and then the sudden thrashing of water.

Shadow Knight should be capitalised, as it is the proper name of a faction/group. There's other spelling things I could point out, but they are minor, and I think I've made my point.

They all stood silently waiting to see if Theron had some how been victorious or did kraken kill him and then just left.

Breaking the silence and solder said: “he is dead”

"he is dead" you write... Technically, this is a grammatically correct phrase. However, you might want to consider writing similar phrases with contractions, thus making it "he's dead", which sounds a bit more realistic.

And almost just after saying these word the great kraken killer unmerged for from the waves caring both spears in hand and began to walk his way towards his bewildered men.

Nice dramatic return, very movie-esque. Nothing wrong with that, though. Keep an eye on your terms though: it should be "emerged" not "unmerged".

With out resting a moment he began: “let’s start a fire and setup camp, we will stay here for the night and at dusk I’ll lead a group to survey the land.

Nice place to end the post, wrapping up at a good point, as well as giving us a hint towards what is to come.

In conclusion, I really have very little to say about your storytelling abilities, as your basic storyline is very solid, and your logic mostly coherent, and only a few mixed-up/made-up words to muddy the waters.

Most of your trouble seems to come from spelling and punctuation/capitalization. I wouldn't worry too much, as you are doing a more than average job (to compare with some people) as it is, but if there is one area in which you could noticeably improve, this is it. I don't know if you write your posts in the posting boxes online, or if you write them on your computer and then copy them to posting boxes. If you follow the latter path, I would suggest running your posts through a spell-checker before posting. This won't fix everything, but it will take away the bulk of them.

Overall, I think you deserve to be graded an "A" on your post, and to be added to the Honour Roll. Keep up the good work.

~Michael A. Joosten - Formendacil~

[Dragoman]

Wow, thanks for all the help. I’ll try to keep all thoughts comments in mind for the next time and yea, spelling has never really been my strong suit. Thanks for the tip about writing it on my computer first. That should clean things up a bit.

Stick around and you'll probably be one of the pillars of the Roleplay.

Well I just found out things in my life have become somewhat complicated and I sadly won’t be able to post as much as I should like. I’ll try to post as much as I can but I don’t think that will be too often. I’ll have to make sure when I do get the chance to post to make them long so they can last. By this summer however I should be able to post as often as I want.

Anyways thanks again for all the comments.
They were really helpfull.

[Formendacil]

Wow, thanks for all the help. I’ll try to keep all thoughts comments in mind for the next time and yea, spelling has never really been my strong suit. Thanks for the tip about writing it on my computer first. That should clean things up a bit.

Glad to hear that it was useful. That's a lot of writing in that post of mine. Wouldn't want it to have been totally useless.

Well I just found out things in my life have become somewhat complicated and I sadly won’t be able to post as much as I should like. I’ll try to post as much as I can but I don’t think that will be too often. I’ll have to make sure when I do get the chance to post to make them long so they can last. By this summer however I should be able to post as often as I want.

Ack! Complicated? If you're only going to have two months of complications, that's nothing. Just pop in once a week or so, and post until then, and you'll be doing fine. Slow, but steady is better than a torrent of posts for a week, and then gone.

[Devari]

Hm... I'd sort of like to get back into this second Wolfpack civil war I started in February. Can anyone give me the main plot points of that storyline?