There are a lot of roman like names, which is good, but too much is not my taste. I do like your progression through the chapter, but it is kind of bumpy. Try smoothing it out with some pronouns, and ad-verbs.
A story would not be a story without twists and turns, but you use a myriad of special changes to make your story very "ungeneric." The point is the "Put a man in a tree. Throw rocks at him. Get him down." does not apply for your stories because getting the person down may not be the objective. And the rocks are not always metaphorically "thrown".
I love your plot line. It is a little confusing though, which is good because it leaves the reader thinking a little, and making him want to read the next chapter to clear up things.
Well, that is what I think of your story. It lacks many things, but it has a many great features.
"Sow a thought, reap an action;
Sow an action, reap a habit.
Sow a habit, reap a character.
Sow a character, reap a destiny"
"Don't let school interfere with your education."-Huckleberry Finn