A question for other parents

[Ye Olde Republic]

Hello to all AFOL parents, I was wondering how you deal/dealt with this problem because I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way or went through these feelings.

For years my LEGO was my own hobby and it's my escape from all things real. My boys, two and three years old, really want to be involved and sometimes it's like escapism and real life come colliding together with horrible results. It's not that I don't want to play LEGO with my kids, the idea really pumps me up most of the time but there are times when I've got the building bug and 'concentration' is just the ticket. Gah! I don't even know how to word this post, such is the frustration I'm feeling at the moment. I don't think it makes me a bad person or parent that sometimes I just don't feel like sharing but dang it, there are just times I don't feel like sharing or staying up until the wee hours of the morning to build after they go to bed. Never mind that that seriously cuts into my time with my wife!

Support group unite?!

[JoshWedin]

I've run into similar issues and it doesn't mean you are bad parent. I have four kids at home and....yeah. This has been my solution. I keep some small things ready in my Lego room for the smallest kids. For instance, some Bionicles or Tiny Turbos for the boys. The girls are older and I let them play with stuff on occasion. The boys are getting older now and I've been setting my trains for them and they love them.

We also get them their own Lego and they are slowly building their own collections. I also have a large box of unsorted loose stuff that I dump out in the living room to play with as a family. It is remnants of a couple big lots that I bought on Ebay and never got around to selling. The kids really like building with it, so I'm keeping it for that. The girls are also old enough to sort and my 13 year old likes sorting better than building, so I let her have at it.

Basically, I've found a variety of ways to let them be involved in my hobby while still being able to keep "mine" to myself. I think its working out fairly well. I'm at work right now and my wife just emailed me and said that the kids are all holed up in one of the girls rooms and playing with her Lego. I'm so proud!

Hope this helps,
Josh

[Griffon]

I've got two kids, a boy and a girl, but to be honest i don't really have a problem He has his his own LEGO (City, Powerminers and Dino 2010) and she plays along with him. Off course they like to see my LEGO and i let them but they can behave themselves and do not play with it only when i say it is alright.

[MarioDAlessio]

My boys, two and three years old, really want to be involved and sometimes it's like escapism and real life come colliding together with horrible results.

Ye Olde Republic, I think its a stage and it will pass quicky enjoy it while it lasts in a few years they will well and truely be into their own lego tastes.

My son is now 9 and has developed his own Lego City/Construction/indiana jones/Starwars universe mixed up with a lot of match box cars and tiny soilders from my own youth. My daughter is 10 and plays with bellevue.

Now my 80's castle display sets are left largly to collect dust. They get them down and play with them occasionary loose rare minifigs, snap hardened pitchforks and black swords.

Mario

[wunztwice]

Firstly let me state I don't have kids yet, so take into consideration this is just observation.

I have actually discussed a very similar topic with Josh, and his answer to me was basically what he's written above. I am married and have a couple younger brothers who are into LEGO (no, they don't live with us...) I think it is important to keep your wife as your main focus. Kids are your blood relations, your wife isn't. The more you spend with here and work things out together as far as the kids, including LEGO, the stronger your relationship will be together. (aka, make sure you two are on the same page so there aren't any crossed signals between you two, and with your kids.)

Erin and I have discussed what would happen as far as hobbies when/if kids come, and we basically decided that the kids aren't allowed to mes with my LEGO unless I am present. But they will get their own collections if they are interested. I also have a tub of unsorted parts I allow our friend's kids to play with, and I think (much like Josh) that will likely become a family tub as well.

To directly answer your question of being a bad parent (in-so-far as this particular topic is concerned) I would say no, you aren't. Just the fact that you are considering this question means you are on the right track. Also that you desire alone time with your wife helps with that!!! In my experience with brothers, wife, babysitting kids, etc. it's a matter of balance. None of us are perfect, but we just need to try and keep in mind the needs of others and balance them rightly with our own.

Hope that helps. (I'll get back to you in a few years, when we have kids and let you know how that works out for us... )

[DraconisTerrena]

I sometimes have the same problem. My daughter is 5 and recently got interested in building with Legos (as opposed to just playing with them), but for awhile it was a bit of a problem if I got out my Legos to build, because she took that to mean that it was playtime. I eventually just got good enough at multitasking that I could build while she played with the figures and I just provided voices. Now that she likes building, we usually just make a group activity of it. She has a few boxes of bricks that are hers to use, and she'll build various things (some of which I can identify and some of which I can't). We just sit at the table and work on our projects, and aside from pausing to look at what she's showing me, it's not remotely distracting.

[Username]

I have a 3 yr old and 1 yr old. I just came out of dark ages a year or so ago, but still have all my old Lego and added a a few hundred dollars worth since. I don't have protected space in my home, so for right now I tend to build small MOCs or wait to dump out all the Lego when they are out of town.

[nanuck95]

All around good information to know. My wife and I don't have kids yet, but that is on the horizon relatively soon. My wife isn't into Lego quite like I am, but she does enjoy the city sets, so we've amassed an unsorted tub full of those. Whenever we have friends with kids come over, I bust out of the tub of city sets and it gives them plenty to play with so I don't have to worry about missing bricks, broken figures, or re-sorting from my collection. (Although I usually have to bring out a few SW figs and a lightsaber for my 6 year old nephew).

Anyway, my thoughts are my Lego is a collection and not so much a toy and most kids I run across tend to understand that. Once I have kids, I think the plan is to get them their own Lego and keep them busy enough with that so they don't have to get into my stuff, but we'll see what really happens.

[The Blue Knight]

I didn't come out of my dark age until my kids were old enough to not put pieces in their mouths. When I played, I had to factor in the "kid factor"--that is that they will crash, spill, break, and lose pieces. And that I wouldn't be able to do any "real" building until they had gone to bed. But by including them, they now understand. We are a Lego family now, and they come along to conventions and love it. My kids are pretty well known to the Pacific Northwest AFOL community now, and it is a thrill to share my hobby with them.

So just take into account that kids will be kids. Do as Josh has suggested, give them "their" brick that they can play with, and that you can join in on, while keeping the castle figs with custom accessories separate until they are older. It will work out. Hey, your an AFOL, how a parent could you be?

Richard

[The_Hun]

My solution is very similar to many of you, as mentioned above. My kids have their own collection and when they're at home and awake, that's the Lego we're playing with. I don't have a dedicated Lego room, but as my collection (including armies & MOCs) is kept boxed at all times to prevent them getting dusty anyway, they don't get the feeling that there's something interesting they aren't supposed to touch. Of course they know I have a lot of Lego and they are allowed to look if they want - and also play with some occasionally - , but it's not in their face all the time. I only unpack the majority of my stuff when they're away or asleep.

My wife supports my hobby, BTW, and we're taking time off just for the two of us regularly, so I can have the rest of the nights for myself and my little plastic friends.

[DARKspawn]

Yeah I completely understand what you mean. My daughter - currently 4, almost 5, loves LEGO. Her collection is growing fast, but it will never compare with all the awesome stuff that Dad has. I have always let her into the LEGO room, and all of her bricks are kept there too. Through patience, understanding, and constant exposure she knows what she is allowed and not allowed to do. Of course accidents and mistakes do happen. But in the end I feel it is a better approach than just locking them out, they will never understand why they can't play too. There will be times where you could happily gag them for five minutes just so you can form a coherent thought, but in the end it will be worth sharing your hobby and time with them. So few adults have a hobby that can be so readily enjoyed by there children, the family that plays together, stays together /cheese

[The Blue Knight]

But in the end I feel it is a better approach than just locking them out, they will never understand why they can't play too. There will be times where you could happily gag them for five minutes just so you can form a coherent thought, but in the end it will be worth sharing your hobby and time with them. So few adults have a hobby that can be so readily enjoyed by there children, the family that plays together, stays together /cheese

Well said my friend. Especially the part about being able to share my hobby. Those times when they were small (12 and 14 today) were full of great memories. Like a Duplo football (American style) game with cave men versus dinos. Irreplaceable times.