The Ancient Tomes of Chiron

[ottoatm]

That's the title of my first official bid at LEGO story-telling. Just a while ago we had a week full of new castles... this month seems to be one of new stories! First Hordesman, then of course Athos, and the "Let me tell you a Story" one - and of course Ikros! I had to get in on some of this!

I know the images are a bit rough, but I just couldn't wait any longer. These chapters are a bit slow, as they are the beginning... characters to be introduced and what-not.

Main site ~ http://legelot.50webs.com

Go to "My Story" and click on "Ancient Tomes of Chiron".

I'd love to hear your feedback.

[Lord_Of_The_LEGO]

I'd love to hear your feedback.

A fine tale with crisp photos and an interesting story. The balence between photo and text is very good. The writing is compelling, and I detected no spelling/grammer errors, which made reading much easier and more pleasing.

I have one major complaint and once minor complaint: First, it took me an extremly long time for me to load the pages. Even though the pictures are reletively small, they still take a long time to load. Now, the minor complaint is merely a matter of personal taste, which is the use of clones. I simply do not like clones, and I especially don't like to see clones mixed with LEGO. However, this is certainly not enough to deter me from eagerly awaiting your next installment!

[Dragonlord Esq.]

Looks great. Where did you get the equipment for the soldier in the quarry?

P.S. - I like the page not found girl.

[The Hordesman]

I liked it indeed, yes, lego clones are baddies!

It was slightly confusing with all the smilie faces, but soon you get to know their unique clothing, then its allright.

I wonder why everyone is bold?

The story is very well written, keep it u!

[JoshWedin]

Good story! Just the right ratio of text to pics. The high number of smiley faces was a bit confusing but that is all.

Josh

[ottoatm]

Thanks for your feedback so far - I'm glad that people seem to like it so far. I'm working on chpt. 3 at the moment.

First, it took me an extremly long time for me to load the pages. Even though the pictures are reletively small, they still take a long time to load.

I was afraid this might be the case - I saved the images at a very high quality rate, which accounts for their slow loading time. I'll be saving the next set at a lower quality rate, hopefully that will help.

I simply do not like clones, and I especially don't like to see clones mixed with LEGO

Wow... good eye - you noticed the clone figs, and also the clone bricks mixed in? I don't really like clones either, they were given to me for free when I bought a bunch of LEGO from a friend. I must say, it is a struggle to work with them - the bricks don't want to stay connected to anything. When picking up a building, the whole building threatens to fall to pieces. When placing a fig on a cart, the whole cart will sometimes fall apart.

Still, I wanted an enemy that seemed "foreign" to everyone, that most people wouldn't like, and that would be easy to portray as... ready to die? The clones seemed perfect. Still, I knew many people would not be too pleased.

It was slightly confusing with all the smilie faces, but soon you get to know their unique clothing, then its allright.

This is something I had not predicted. I even mix them up sometimes! I've had to retake pictures more then once after realizing I took the pic with the wrong fig! Hope it's no too bad. I made most of them with smilies because this is a part of the continent where not many "people" have hairy faces? Does that make sense?

I wonder why everyone is bold?

I made them all without hair because I wanted to emphasize that they were all slaves living in humble surrondings. When the story progresses, I want to let the readers see a development take place. I guess it does look a little weird.

Where did you get the equipment for the soldier in the quarry?

These are all clone sets I got - they came with the figs. I actually like the spears a little.

P.S. - I like the page not found girl

Yea me too. I was going to make a customized 404 page, but when I saw that, I was like "why bother"?

[ottoatm]

Hi All -

I went ahead and updated the story - now there is a chpt. 3. Nothing heart-racing yet, but things are progressing.

Also, I worked a little more on the chpt. 0 - mostly just to add the names and images of the main characters in an attempt to help with their identity.

[The Hordesman]

A pipe? Hmm... I wonder where the tobacco grows...

Anyways, I really like the "dark ages" feel here. The soldiers doesnt look medieval, society is simple (and enslaved!) so its a cool thing indeed.

[ottoatm]

A pipe? Hmm... I wonder where the tobacco grows...

Hmm... I dunno... you know those slaves all living in their slave camps in the swamps... I guess they could be growin tobacco anywhere!

Actually, I never really imagined smoking to be illegal to the Nicals anyway - but you question made me pause for a second!

Your right about things not being to medieval too... this is kind of a "prequel" to stories yet to come.

Glad you like it so far Hordesman ~

[TheOrk]

Cool story Ottoatm!

I'm gonna add it to the list I started. Its great to see all these different stories illistrated with LEGO. That list is starting to grow. The only problem I have(although its not much) is that they all look the same. Keep up the good work.

[ottoatm]

Hi All -

I think I'm a little too excited about this - I keep pushing this stuff out online! I wonder if anyone has had a chance to read it all?

If so...any suggestions? I wonder if it's too wordy?

I must confess, I'm getting a little tired of these clones, but I'm gonna try to finish the story up well. This is a prequel to my LEGO stories, when the LEGO men emerge from clone slavery to form kingdoms of their own.

Anyway, hope you enjoy!

[Dragonlord Esq.]

This is a prequel to my LEGO stories, when the LEGO men emerge from clone slavery to form kingdoms of their own.

SWEET! I'll be sure to read it now.

And no, it's not too wordy.

[kajo163]

No, not too wordy at all. I really enjoy your story, and I'm glad to hear that more is comming up.

Joel

[ottoatm]

I'm glad you guys like it so far! I'm glad it's not too wordy either, sometimes I wonder if I get a little too caught up in the story when writing. I don't want it to be boring!

[ottoatm]

Hello all -

It's been tough to post or do much of anything on CC lately. Since coming home to my parents for the summer, I've found mystlef going from a Fiber connection to a good ol' 56k modem.

Still... I've managed to post chapter 5! Hope you enjoy...